Best Ever Albums

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Mon, 5 Jan 2015 16:44:23 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 01/05/2015 21:44

Facetious wrote:

Every time I read the word "hair" in a JMan post, I am reminded of his ass-wiping post :|

🤣

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

craola — Mon, 5 Jan 2015 16:41:53 GMT

Author: craola

Posted: 01/05/2015 21:41

nutso42 wrote:

"Sexy pet cutterpin" really should have given it away.

I kind of want to turn each of these poems into songs and make it into another BEA album. I've already got music for "If Everyone Was a Gummy Bear".

Should make it sound as much like Arcade Fire as possible 😜

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Facetious — Sat, 3 Jan 2015 14:09:58 GMT

Author: Facetious

Posted: 01/03/2015 19:09

nutso42 wrote:

Every time I read the word "hair" in a JMan post, I am reminded of his ass-wiping post 😐

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Sat, 3 Jan 2015 14:01:40 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 01/03/2015 19:01

JMan wrote:

I desperately need to hear that beauty as a song...

FIFY

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Sat, 3 Jan 2015 12:14:07 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 01/03/2015 17:14

nutso42 wrote:

"Sexy pet cutterpin" really should have given it away.

Hooowww...?

nutso42 wrote:

I kind of want to turn each of these poems into songs and make it into another BEA album. I've already got music for "If Everyone Was a Gummy Bear".

I don't think I want to hear that travesty as a song...

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Sat, 3 Jan 2015 11:49:08 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 01/03/2015 16:49

Facetious wrote:

JMan?

Why am I not surprised :P

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Facetious — Fri, 2 Jan 2015 01:32:49 GMT

Author: Facetious

Posted: 01/02/2015 06:32

nutso42 wrote:

The Hair of my Shoes - JMan

I saw a fudge in my old slippers, it wore shiny hair.
It sparkled gay, and his nutcrack was scented with flair.
If I had a penny, I would sell it for the hair and Letterman.
And drink my tea while stroking my sexy pet cutterpin.

And I saw Lewis Carroll. I made out with him good.
But then I realized I was a donkey.
I looked down at my legs, all gangstas in the hood.
And all my hair was really rubber, like a donkey.

Now my tea tastes like cutterpins, and my shoes like cheese.
I could chew on my shoes all day if I please.
And wonder why one shoe is a snail, and one is a flea,
While I watch my fudge's soft and bouncy ha-a-a-a-aiiiiiirrrr....
Flow gently in the breeze.

JMan?

Why am I not surprised 😜

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Jimmy Dread — Thu, 1 Jan 2015 09:43:21 GMT

Author: Jimmy Dread

Posted: 01/01/2015 14:43

Man alive, Craola's like a one-man bad poetry army.

Shame to 'lose' to Mr. Bigfoot, but comforted in the fact that the authorities won't be coming for me any time soon. Unless the RSPCA counts.

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Thu, 1 Jan 2015 09:34:00 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 01/01/2015 14:34

After a considerable time open, it seems our winner is "Yuck" with "Why 99% of Pet Store Owners Give Me Funny Looks" coming in second.

Therefore, the authors have now been revealed. Please enjoy the newfound respect or disgust you now have with several of our community members.

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Dec 2014 10:40:02 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/30/2014 15:40

noWaxJim wrote:

A great pity that this contest got lost in the ether somehow. Have a post-Xmas bump, if only so we can all find out when the men in white coats are coming for the author of 'Yuck' (and I'm not talking about the Polyphonic Spree).

I'll admit I was slightly worried as to whether I could get away with actually allowing that one to get through, but all seems well so far (not to mention it's now tied with our former reigning champion, the Pet Store Owners one....)

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

pa — Sat, 27 Dec 2014 06:51:38 GMT

Author: pa

Posted: 12/27/2014 11:51

noWaxJim wrote:

I was just thinking the same thing...

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Jimmy Dread — Sat, 27 Dec 2014 06:33:26 GMT

Author: Jimmy Dread

Posted: 12/27/2014 11:33

A great pity that this contest got lost in the ether somehow. Have a post-Xmas bump, if only so we can all find out when the men in white coats are coming for the author of 'Yuck' (and I'm not talking about the Polyphonic Spree).

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 18:56:01 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/17/2014 23:56

craola wrote:

I'm not too high on Arcade Fire's lyricism either, but I wouldn't call their lyrics "bad".

Out of curiosity, which "half of these poems" are better than all the Arcade Fire songs you've heard? Which songs have you heard?

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

alelsupreme — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:41:55 GMT

Author: alelsupreme

Posted: 12/17/2014 22:41

Timhop wrote:

In all honesty, half of these poems are better than the lyrics to all the Arcade fire songs I've heard. Really, if you want to hear poetry in a band from the last decade, listen to Guy Garvie from Elbow.

If I ever have to hear Take Off And Landing Of Everything again I will kill every person on Earth.

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:26:43 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/17/2014 22:26

Arcade Fire do have bad song lyrics 🤣 Some of these poems sung by Arcade Fire would make wonderful songs though. 😎

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

craola — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 17:13:44 GMT

Author: craola

Posted: 12/17/2014 22:13

Timhop wrote:

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Timhop — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 15:28:15 GMT

Author: Timhop

Posted: 12/17/2014 20:28

In all honesty, half of these poems are better than the lyrics to all the Arcade fire songs I've heard. Really, if you want to hear poetry in a band from the last decade, listen to Guy Garvie from Elbow.

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Vote!

Facetious — Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:19:03 GMT

Author: Facetious

Posted: 12/17/2014 16:19

nutso42 wrote:

If Everyone Was a Gummy Bear

If everyone was a gummy bear
We'd still have problems but we wouldn't care
Everything around us, all we see
Would be soft and squishy and gelatiny
Nothing in the world would be unhappy
We would live life would no anxiety
We'd die of diabetes but we wouldn't care
Because the whole world is a gummy bear!

We could dance all night, until the break of dawn
And as bears we wouldn't need to have pants on!
Every single one would have a chance
To partake in a stupid Hawaiian dance

If everyone was a gummy bear
We'd all get along and learn to share
We'd declare war on those stupid gummy worms
Until they surrender and agree to our terms
We'd be their masters, oppressive kings and queens!
And slaughter all of those jelly beans
They'll plead for mercy but we won't care
For now the whole world is a gummy bear!

We danced all night on the graves of our foes
Until their guts squished between our toes
But more came around, without a call
And in our stupor, they killed us all

This is actually pretty good.

Voted for Yuck.

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Sun, 14 Dec 2014 19:27:55 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/15/2014 00:27

I voted Yuck. I really didn't understand anything about it. I would've voted Gummy Bear, but the above post shows the reason why I did not.

Re: Bad Poetry Contest - Authors Revealed!

Anonymous — Sun, 14 Dec 2014 19:06:35 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/15/2014 00:06

"Wreckless Abandon" is the most painful to read, but this is some excellent refuse all around... except "If Everyone Was a Gummy Bear," which is too good to be in a bad poetry competition.