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Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

alelsupreme — Tue, 11 Feb 2014 16:47:02 GMT

Author: alelsupreme

Posted: 02/11/2014 21:47

The three of them stood there. Their eyes flicked around uncertainly, they were all unused to such glamour. The chairs were gold, the walls were gold - even the goddamn floor had gold lace interwoven. The sight of such decadence had Jason quivering with rage, the sound of his teeth grinding becoming louder and louder. The fact that his saviour was an monarch of all things was nigh on unbearable.

The long wait only made them more nervous - how did they know this wasn't a trap? For all they know the Objectivists had taken Pakistan long ago, it always happened so slowly one didn't know until it was too late. Finally, the prince walked in. He was far younger than they expected, no older than 14 they'd say. He was in a surprisingly un-regal attire - t-shirt and shorts. On the T-Shirt was an Italian man eating a sundae with two spoons encased in a heart. Marx and Poe shared a look - is that him? Jason had his eyes shut tight - everything in this room made him want to scream.

"Well, aren't you going to bow?"
Poe and Marx both looked shocked, and started to bow before Eggman snorted, sneering "I was being facetious."

"So, I hear you want to stop the objectivists?"
The word set Poe off, as all his nerves turned to energy.
"Those white anglo fuckers are ruining the world, we must destroy them!"
After the ensuing awkward pause a worried looking Marx replied "yes, we would rather appreciate some help. What do you intend to do?"
"Oh, well I was going to try nuking them."
Marx gawped at him, horrified. Poe looked very passive about such an idea, while Jason just remained a solitary human pillar of rage.

"Relax, I was being facetious"

This was going to be a very, very long meeting.

TELO admired himself in the mirror. He was the spitting image of Picard, and he'd surely be the envy of the entire convention! He walked out the door, a huge smile on his face and a phaser in his pocket. However, whilst driving to the convention centre, he passed through some rather rough neighbourhoods. The words to the summers smash urban hit rang through, and as darker faces came into view he wound his windows up. However, when he saw a large crowd gathering outside an abandoned building, he chanced a look, to see what they were looking at. He saw very little, all he could make out was an hispanic man lying on the floor, with a hole in his head where his brain should be. However, as he looked closer he was horrified.

The walls said #nezzled.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Patman360 — Tue, 14 Jan 2014 16:28:35 GMT

Author: Patman360

Posted: 01/14/2014 21:28

"Seriously like, how the fuck did I get into this mess?", the hooded man thought to himself as he waited outside in the grimiest alley he had ever come across.

Turning to see a rat scurrying along near the foot the wall, he drew his pistol, eyeing up a shot, but held back figuring the bullets may come in useful in the near future.

Now was the last chance to bail, he could still get out. Sure, they'd come after him, but either way that was bound to happen from one party or another. All he had to do was turn and walk away before that door swung open. He puffed thoughtfully on his last cigarette, contemplating his future.

And then his future was decided for him...

The door swung open and there was now no turning back now.

"Fuck it, here it goes", in he stepped, cigarette still in one hand and a silver briefcase in the other. The door shut behind him the second he was clear of it.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

alelsupreme — Fri, 13 Dec 2013 18:43:20 GMT

Author: alelsupreme

Posted: 12/13/2013 23:43

"I could have you killed quite easily, you know"

Hairy and Poe looked up at the huge chinese man, towering over them. Inside, they both reflected that this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the wannabe-Guevera next to them currently shouting about totalitarian brutality. This devastating critique of Taiwan, police and Taiwanese police was countered with an even more devastating punch to the face. The verbal one-man-revolution soon stopped.

After silencing JasonComrade, as he now wished to be called, the officer turned to Poe and Hairy.

"Now, I'd think you were spys, but surely Beijing would be less... obvious. And I also doubt they'd send a Jap and a Brit. So, just what are you doing here?"

Poe, still staring at the floor with his mushroom-like hair obscuring his eyes, mumbled "oh, as if you don't know"

This grabbed the attention of the officer, who then grabbed Poe. Shoving him across the wall he demanded to know, just what was he supposed to know?

"You're in league with them, you helped bring him back!", he was practically screaming at him now. The officer, having had more than enough of this, prepared to have a good go at smashing his face through the wall, was suddenly called in by his superior, the prisoners were to be released immediately. Cursing under his breath, he dropped the Poe to the floor and opened the door. Hairy, utterly baffled at the proceedings, helped the Poe and Jason to their feet and walked them down the corridor. When he reached the end, he was informed as to why they were released: They had been bailed out by the newly crowned prince of the Kingdom of Pakistan: His Junior Excellency Eggtax Walra, or in short, Eggman.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Fri, 13 Dec 2013 08:40:33 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/13/2013 13:40

Shane O'Speare tried desperately to avoid eye contact. The room was stuffy and the smell of mothballs gave the air an uncomfortable thickness.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?"

Shane muttered something incoherent.

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?", bellowed Joy. "We don't fucking publish pamphlets! Where's the rest of it?"

Eventually Shane mustered up some confidence and let out a little squeak. "The people need to know..."

"Know what?", asked Joy. "What in the fuck is anybody going to glean from these three fucking pages that appear to have been written by several different authors, each with little to no interest in following the same story and whose characters appear to be added in willy fucking nilly with the assumption the reader knows everything about them already? I'm a fucking book publisher, Mr. O'Speare, and this is not anybody's idea of A FUCKING BOOK!"

Shane visibly withered as Joy O'Divijahn's voice grew rapidly louder, but he had to get his words publicised. Terrible things were happening, things beyond his control, somewhere far away or maybe right next door, and he knew. He didn't know how he knew, or why, but he knew, and he had to let other people know. People were dying, and nobody was talking about it.

"Mr. Divijahn... sir... th-there has to be some way of getting this story out, l-l-lives are dep-p-pending on it..."

"What the fuck are you fucking on about, O'Speare?"

"Well, these words aren't my choice. Well, they are. It's difficult to explain. It's like I'm channeling someone, or something. All I know is that everything I've written on those three pages is true. It is happening right now, and I feel like it's up to me to stop it. I need to spread the word."

"What the fuck are you doing at a book publisher then? Nobody fucking reads books anymore, you imbecile. The only reason I'm still rich is because I invested in Pixar back when it looked like fucking Minecraft. This whole publishing house is essentially a vanity project. Look, go and photocopy it, you fucking cretin, there's only three fucking pages." Joy buzzed down to his secretary, "Look Sue, could you show this gentleman to the photocopier and print him off as many copies as he needs? Thanks. Now, Mr. O'Speare, fuck off and go spread the word by yourself."

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

alelsupreme — Thu, 5 Dec 2013 17:31:06 GMT

Author: alelsupreme

Posted: 12/05/2013 22:31

"So is there any particular reason we had to travel all the way here?" said Marx, the Taipei 101 looming over him

"Well, if he is back, then we can't stay where we were, can we?" replied Poe.

"Yes but... I don't think this is the best place to be taking him" nodding in the direction of Jason. Jason himself was in a red shirt with a large yellow star, with 4 others, arcing around the right of it. He was fidgeting, cursing under his breath.

"Who is he anyway, your lover?" quipped a smirking Poe.

Hairy grimaced, then quickly exclaimed "We're wasting time, we need to talk about how we're going to get Himself?" Poe looked at him quizzically, before replying, slowly
"He's... in a rather awkward place"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... he's in the Antarctic"

Hairy stared, mouth wide open for a few seconds before exclaiming "T-the Antarctic? What the hell is he doing there?"
Poe, frowning, responded "All he said is he wanted to find a place free of human interference, with an abstract landscape, whatever the hell that means".
Hairy, still in a state of shock, shouted "Well how the hell are we supposed to get there?"
Before Poe could respond, Jason, unable to hold it in anymore, shouted at a passing soldier "THIS IS RIGHTFUL TERRITORY OF THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA, YOU BOURGEOIS PIG!"
"Oh fuck, run!" yelled Marx, setting off back towards the car, He leapt inside but, alas, the ignition mechanism, which required coal (as, according to Poe, gasoline would be far too mainstream) failed to breathe life into the square wheels, as Jason was too busy throwing the fuel at the rapidly approaching troops, and the three of them were arrested.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Norman Bates — Wed, 4 Dec 2013 16:28:32 GMT

Author: Norman Bates

Posted: 12/04/2013 21:28

Link

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

SquishypuffDave — Wed, 4 Dec 2013 09:30:03 GMT

Author: SquishypuffDave

Posted: 12/04/2013 14:30

A stream of blood trickled up Ricardo's neck and dripped from his hair. The pain in his wrists and ankles was unbearable. His head throbbed and a wave of nausea passed over him as he struggled to take in the words being spoken.

"Of course I couldn't nail you the right way up; that would be sacrilegious. This is the way it has to be. God will accept my offering and show me the way to your weapon. Unless you want to tell me yourself?"

Ricardo let out a cry of anguish. JG frowned.

"My disciples already searched the lighthouse. It must be under the island."

JG walked over to the chasm and peered down. He smiled as he gazed into the pitch black abyss. The perfect environment for someone of his particular giftings.

Suddenly, a gunshot rang out. One of JG's henchmen shrieked and clutched at his shin, then another gunshot took his ear off. Jack and Purple charged out from behind a boulder, yelling and shooting. JG hissed and leaped into the abyss, gliding into the darkness.

"lol I just stabbed this henchman in the face you guys lol"
"Someone just jumped down that deep-ass hole!"
"Wait, who has a deep asshole?"
"Fuck, I'm hit!"
"OBJECTIVITY REIGNS!"
"lol what happened to Ricardo lol"
"Jack, cover me!"
"OBJECTIVITY RE-"

Once the objectivist henchmen were executed, the company gathered around Ricardo, slowly lowering him to the ground. He shook violently and gasped for air. His ashen face was covered in beads of sweat. Lethal leaned in close and whispered in Ricardo's ear. Ricardo nodded solemnly.

Nachesian cleared his throat. "So, I'm real sorry about whatever happened to you just now, but could you maybe explain what's going on, ya think?"

"That man was looking for the weapon. He's going to find it. You need to stop him, please!"

"Weapon? What weapon?"

"The island is the weapon. Please, you need to gheee frr nngg..."

Ricardo's eyes unfocused and his words became incomprehensible. Purple fired a shot between the babbling man's eyes.

"It was the only humane thing to do. He wasn't going to make it."

Nobody argued.

***

Drak and Meow lay on the shore, twitching. Drak tried to move her arms and legs, but they wouldn't work. Blood oozed from the exit wound in her jaw. She stared at Meow's horrified expression. She tried to speak but her words were slurred.

"I-I'm... sss-ss..."

Meow began shivering, her eyes welling up with tears. Blood trickled from her nose. She opened her mouth but no words came out. After a few moments, she closed her mouth and moved a quivering arm slowly toward her bosom and began to undo her blouse, revealing a pale breast. Smiling weakly, she mouthed the word "meow".

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Tue, 3 Dec 2013 18:38:36 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/03/2013 23:38

alelsupreme wrote:

(if someone could come up with a summary of everything that's happened so far, that'd be lovely)

Basically the Manic Street Killer is at loose but is now having a personal crisis as he gets to know more about his new prisoner. Geevy and Dave are dead (or are they...) There's a sinister conspiracy plot with Objectivists possibly orchestrated from JG in a castle and an immortal woman watching over all of them. The underground movement Dingo's Nightmare is now splintered as Ricardo is nowhere to be seen and Bork is (possibly) deceased and they have no idea why there supposed to be out on a deserted island. A few people are carrying out missions for a group of molls led by someone named AM in a deep dark cave. Mr Toader is still at large. And then there's the plot involving the poe and hairy and communists that really just needs to be read to be understood, no summary is possible.

Basically, fascism, individuality and existential loneliness seem to be making up the main themes here, but there's plenty more to come!

Sorry for the break, but people don't be afraid to get involved! Coherency is never the main objective here, objectively.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Tue, 3 Dec 2013 17:08:24 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/03/2013 22:08

Somewhere on the far end of this affluent community's most exclusive boulevard, a car sat non-descript tucked behind a walled mini-mansion. It's windows were tinted into darkness, but otherwise nobody seemed to give it much notice. Given it was in a place where no real person actually seemed like they could possibly live.

The one known as Lecca turned up his Low on the digital pirate radio he managed to obtain at a couple week's salary, but it was too dangerous to listen to them through any traditional means. Given it comforted him now, considering every minute the job wasn't done and he wasn't driving away made him tenser and tenser. He took a look at the stories for which he was supposed to edit: stories about how listening to The Microphones gave you a Venereal disease and how listening to Nick Drake would put you into a coma or how Darkthrone would ressurect Satan on earth, whatever. These biased, intentionally manipulated stories that came in never interested him, he just worked on them so as not to blow his cover. It was the stories that came in for which the New Press would never show in public that always commanded his upmost attention.

He suddenly heard his other radio buzz, twice, and he knew what was going to happen next. A few seconds later he heard the latch nesting on the back of his car being removed and a door being swung open, some slight groans as a seemingly lifeless body was being thrown into the back of the car. Two shadow-contorted bodies followed, and Lecca got all he needed to know when one deep masculine voiced yelled "Drive!!!"

---

Tekin held two fingers to the wrist of the comatose doctor in front of him, knowing he wouldn't be able to find a thing through the bunny mask, and found he was indeed still alive. It was a close call as the struggle was so intense it seemed like it was either them or him, but now they were able to fully deliver the body alive as it was so imperatively asked of them.

Saoirse pulled a syringe out of the black briefcase found near the back of the car and flicked the needle twice, ricocheting some of the syrum. "Fuck, a little caution please" said Tekin as some of it landed on his cheek. "Sorry" she muttered as she put the needle in the forearm and slowly injected some of the clear liquid till the syringe was nearly half empty. "This should put him out for long enough, at least till we're able to bring the body to AM's home" she said after she put the needle away and removed her prostethic lip and eyebrows. "I guess your certainty is enough" said Tekin as he sneaked a roll of the eyeballs. "We use what we have available" said Saoirse as she noticed his slight smirk, "I was a nurse, not a fucking anesteiaologist. When we don't have the avenue of licensed health care to seek out, we got to get creative" she said as she finally started to rest at the back of the vehicle.

"So what did you have to do to finally take this, uh,- (checking quickly at his back mirror) - rabbit man out?" inquired Lecca as he finally got a glimpse of the spread-eagle body lying on the back of his car, with it's hideous lifelike purple rabbit head. Both looking at each other from the opposite sides of the car's rear, they bellowed in unison "You don't want to know".

"So I take it we shouldn't use the highways" called back Lecca after a bit, trying to break the uncomfortable silence.

"No, Im sure there will be Checks there. They especially want to keep an eye on people who are making longer journeys. We need to take the back road off near the far side of FAsharpinf blvd, I guess it's been nicknamed Ghost Highway." replied Tekin.

"Why do they call it that?"

"All white gravel, and apparently the forest around it has been the sight of a lot of ghastly rituals and deaths or something of that sort, but it's the only way to make it where we need to go without being detected."

Making the turn where he was instructed, he could indeed see what Tekin was talking about. It was like the road was painted in snow, despite it being deep into summer, and the endless tall pine trees that lined the drive were smothered in an eerie fog. Already he was feeling much chillier than before as he kicked the gas pedal a little bit harder.

"So do you still work with The Press?" asked Tekin after a while.

"Yeah, but squarely as a moll these days" responded Lecca. "I edit their bullshit stories but really take a look at all the different types of news feed that come in during the day. It provides useful information if I can get to it first, as they make sure to destroy any potentially unflattering story that comes in."

"So the press is taken over too, can't say Im surprised."

"Yeah, well originally some of us who were worried that the movement was gaining political steam edited an underground online magazine and posted it on a proxy. The worrying thing is some of the more extreme Objectivists, or whatever they're really called, also used different proxys, and we were afraid some of them might accidently stumble onto our own. However, now that they have the press and pretty much every aspect of Authority now in their pocket, we've become less tentative as they've had no need to post their, whatever, in secret. Still change all the specific details, though."

"Hmm, haven't had time to go fishing in the dark internet underground, but Ill definitely check it out if you let me know how to access the server. Given it seems like all I need to do is walk by some storefront or giant wall in the city and it tells me every point the Objectivy clowns want to make."

Lecca nodded in agreement. The road wasn't changing it's appearence one bit but it was getting less foreboding as they drove further and further. Saoirse was dozing as she lay awkwardly across the back door. Their guest of honor was still looking lifeless but alive, though that bizarre person who was lying in the back was still unsettling both Tekin and Lecca to a noticeable degree.

"I guess it's true what they say, having a normal human body with a completely unfamiliar head is often the most terrifying thing" muttered Lecca.

"I think it's just a paper tiger that is adding to the malaise. Knowing what we have to do soon after this I think is the really the more troubling thought to have" responded Tekin, with a slight melancholic tinge.

"Yeah, wish you could share that, but I know, I know. Given you always seem to make it out okay so I guess it's easier to see the worry when you know you have to experience it."

"Yeah, and it will just keep on going, possibly for a lifetime if the Objectivists have their way."

"I donno, I think eventually people will have their doubts and question the political paradigm, however long it lasts"

"Given, remember, that the new regime appears normal for it's own safety, but they are subtly spreading the Objectivist gospel."

"I guess that's the only way, to preach to the choir and instill fear in those who question it. Did you ever see The Conformist? The line "It would be impossible to teach philosophy in a fascist society" has always struck me, especially these days."

"Just like it would be impossible to have a fascist society if authority accepts that there is multiple sides to any argument" Tekin replied as he once again checked the comatose bunny-man in front of him. He once again tried pulling off the mask but it was still sown on tight.

"Do you know exactly where this place is?" asked Lecca as they finally left Ghost Highway and were getting onto a rural drive, where some farmlands were normal.

"Keep following this road and we know we've hit our destination when we get to a place called The Red Moor, which is actually a swamp" called back Tekin.

"A swamp?" asked a confounded Lecca.

"Well it definitely wouldn't be some house on a goddamn street" replied Tekin flippantly. "Just keep following the road and turn right when you past a grey-and-silver church."

After finding what Tekin was talking about, Lecca obediently made the right turn and was heading onto a dry grey road that was noticeably putting a strain on his tires. He could notice a swamp-like section to his right through the crooked birch trees, but didn't know if their destination was actually right by the water or somewhere near it.

"OW!!!" yelled Saoirse as she knocked her head hard on the car's ceiling when Lecca passed a particulary sharp bump in the road. Rubbing her head slowly she asked "Are we there?" with an exceptionally sleepy sense of annoyance.

"Just about. Lecca, when you get to a rocky expanse there's going to be a part there that's covered in what looks like a thick green moss. It's actually guarding a secret passage, so don't hesitate to drive right through it." said Tekin with a formal, authority-like confidence.

"Yeah, remember when I first was asked to go through it, thought Tekin was a madman" said Saoirse as she opened one of her bottles of tea.

Getting to exactly what Tekin told him about, Lecca awkwardly went off the road and drive right through the allergy. A paranoid, in-the-moment thought rolled across his mind, as he feared that perhaps this was all a lie and there was no real secret place hidden here, but just as he crossed through the sickeningly gray-green moss he was in what seemed to be a deep dark cave. He turned on his floodlights and just kept driving. Eerily all he saw before him was just total darkness as nothing physical seemed to be detected through his floodlights. It felt almost like he was entering a total void.

After a while he finally got onto a road he could physically see, he was struck, after wandering his eyes a bit, by what seemed to be an eerie cobalt-blue ceiling, as the rest of the area they were now driving through seemed like just a dark rocky cave. He caught a glimpse of what looked like a small steel door, only slightly taller than his own car. However, he knew he was in the right place.

"You know how to identify yourself through the speaker?" asked Tekin.

"Yeah" he said as got up to a small microphone perched right in front of the entryway, with a red button on it's handle. He pressed the red button twice and said through the mic "Im looking for my mecca" and they all waited for a few seconds. Then they heard the deafening groan of steel against steel as the door opened quickly.

"Drive through in an instant, we don't have a window!" yelled Saoirse quickly as she tended to her briefcase. Lecca pumped the gas and as soon as he went through the open door it started to close behind him. This place was even darker than the "cave", but Lecca just did a quick gulp and drove forward.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Tue, 3 Dec 2013 01:30:42 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/03/2013 06:30

Drak woke, looked about him, drug his sleepy arm from under his lover, woke him. Heard drunken laughter on deck. Held his lover under the shoulder to the deck. Woke to

"WHO THE FUCK IS THAT"

"Meeeoowwww"

"WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT," purple yelled after firing a round through the cat-like stranger's skull

"NOOOOOOOOOOO I'LL KILL..."

"WHY THE FUCK DOES FRANCE BREED LUNATICS" as Jack fired a round into Drak's skull

Lethal: "What the fuck m8s?! You just killed a friend and a skilled operative."

purple: "between your friend wearing his mother's skin and that schizotypal fuck wearing a bunny costume I see no reason why I should allow any of them near my ass on a boat!"

"lol kick them over the side and let the surf drag them in lol will tell us where the secret entrance to the island is lol"

Lethal held his hands in his head as his more-drunken counterparts stumbled around, half-toeing the bodies

"I mean, I see no reason why Verlaine and Baudilaire should be dragged into this while modern France seems to conjure up these fuckin' weirdos" Jack said as he kicked the new corpses overboard, their fresh-dead souls gently wavering towards the coast like Hero and Leander.

"I see it, the entrance," Diago said as the corpses floated inland

"I heard San Diago means whale's vagina lol which is your name whale or vagina lol"

Diago [shaking his damn head]: Here's the port, unload, lock and load

Jack, Lethal, purple, and Borve jump starboard onto the slick, algae-crusted metal dock. Jack slips, cuts his brow, tastes the iron in his blood, murmers "iron's a fresh taste compared to pineapple; my last bf tried so hard." The quatro tactically make their way to the steel-door entrance to the island compound.

"What the fuck," exclaims Lethal

"Jesus, are those intestines on the walls?" blurts purple

"lol smells like shit lol"

"my god, there's Swedish meatballs in the air" as lethal picks up the eviscerated stomach in the room "you can tell it was listening to Merle Haggard by the way the rugai are rubbing together"

"Bork" muttered the three outside of the loling 'tard

mustering back last night's liquid dinner, the quatro ease open the steel door quietly, yet it shut behind them abruptly, followed by a sound of steel in front of them shutting abruptly.

"HHUUUUUGGHH HAAAAAHH HUUUUUGGHH HHAAAAAAHH IT LLEAAKKED IT LEAAAAKKKED"

"WHAT THE FUCK" the trio outside of the loling 'tard exclaimed as their muzzle flashes punctuated the dark room to illuminate a dark, leather-bound gimp figure hobbling towards them before they shot it down.

Jack lit a commemorative Rob Ford crack pipe to shed light on the corpse. It had a Canadian flag tramp stamp and no other markings outside of an obviously forced, branded OBJECTIVITY on it's forehead

"I stalked him on tumblr; I think I saw him on a bus once" muttered Jack, falsely sympathetic

Lethal: I don't know what the fuck is behind this next door, but we better call for back up...

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

alelsupreme — Mon, 2 Dec 2013 15:13:24 GMT

Author: alelsupreme

Posted: 12/02/2013 20:13

"And so, as the Bread Rioters, industrial strikers and disaffected soldiers joined forces and took the city, so began the February Revolution, and with it, the Russian Revolution"
The bearded man rose and stretched. "Well, that'll be enough for today." His student looked up, with a disappointed face. "But comrade, how can you get bored of this?" "Hairymarx", as he liked to be called, just groaned and walked outside. He was still confused about how he even got here. He'd been living in splendid solace, when this boy turned up, dressed in a slightly tattered Red Army uniform for some reason. He seemed confused, and all Marx could get out of him was that he lived somewhere on the East Coast. How he had ended up on Kunashir, he didn't know. Regardless, when he let him in (he couldn't very well leave him to die, could he?) the boy, who's name he eventually found out was Jason, took to his Socialist literature like a Moth to a flame. He was constantly badgering Marx to teach him more about the history of Communism, which he was willing to indulge - to a point. Truth be told, he liked the company - Jason was slowly becoming like a son to him.

Suddenly, the phone rang. He knew already who it would be - only one person ever called. He picked up and, smiling smugly "Oh hello Poe, your delivery not come again?" However, the voice on the other end was serious, with very serious news. The Man-Machine was still alive. And soon, it'd rise once more.

(if someone could come up with a summary of everything that's happened so far, that'd be lovely)

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Mon, 2 Dec 2013 11:58:20 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/02/2013 16:58

Diago held the wheel carefully as he circled around the island, looking for the canal he was told he'd find right behind it. Twisting the periscope back and forth, he noticed what appeared to be a giant electric fence masked in seaweed guarding the entire piece of land. Huh, thinking this was just some random spot for a meeting in complete safety, but apparently he (or they) were guarding Area 51. Diago took another sip out of his thermos and then started pulling the wheel to the left as he kept searching for this elusive passage-way.

Most of the new passengers were now sleeping soundly in the hull, but Purple, Lethal, Borve and Jack were all passed out right behind him. After playing "Name that album" and general reminiscing about the good times (were actually all bad times), they emptied out the last of Diago's Stolichnaya and Bacardi, and now were all about to enter bleedin' alcatraz with the worst hangover imaginable. Diago hadn't gotten any sleep in a day and a half now, but it didn't bother him. Being deep out in the ocean with all the crazy bastards he never expected to see again we're more than enough to keep him eager and alert, and despite the occasional slow turn of the wheel he was happy. Plus he didn't want have any more encounters with MSK in his nightmares, at least for a while.

Tucked down deep at the Northeast end of the island he saw a deep curve in one of the islands more rocky expanses, wagering since he was almost back where the ship first met the island that he had come to the right place. Gingerly turning Astral sharp enough so he could stay on the left side of the canal, he peered into this periscope but it was almost useless at this angle as the ship was covered in darkness. Turning it slightly to the side all he saw was the deep, jagged wall of a cave.

Wiping off a little bit of sweat he made sure he kept the wheel steady and pondered whether to wake up the rest when the decision was instantly made for him. He saw what he could vaguely make out as a human figure on the right side, where the first part of land was visible. It was dark and he was tired so maybe he was just personifying an oddly shaped rock in his imagination, but when something crawled out from behind it he took no hesitation. "Ged, Up, Ged Up!" he whispered sharply, smacking all the people who laid directly behind him. "Ow, ow! Where the fuck am I?" Jack said, perhaps jiggering some memories of recent debauchary. "Are we there" Purple mumbled lazily when Defago pointed to his periscope and implored that he took a look. "Ugh" purple groaned, holding his temple and slowly made his way over to Diago's station. Peering through the viewfinder, he said "Is that one of our other guests?" "I donno", replied Diago, "but I don't think it's time to start giving the benefit of the doubt. Open the latch very, very slowly, it will make less noise that way" said Diago as purple reached to his side. "Get up, Borve" said Lethal as he poked to the side, already clear what Purple was about to do and waited for the click.

"Okay.... now!" cried Diago and Purple slowly unbolted the latch, signaled 1...2...3 to his comprades right beside him and then swiftly made his way up the stairs. "PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS UP BY YOUR HEAD NOWWWW!!!!!!!! DON'T TRYING ANYTHING FUNNY NOW OR ILL SEND YOU INTO AN OBLIVION EVEN WORSE THAN THIS!" howled Purple in his well-deep baritone, supposedly so the whole ocean could hear his command. Lethal and Jack quickly followed and raised their guns as they made it onto the dock. Borve was a little slow to get with the program.

Diago pulled out his own heat and followed the three onto the dock, handing Purple a giant flashlight. Shining it towards the potential problem area he saw it was just two people, clad in giant wetsuits with hideously oversized, droopy helmets. "TAKE OFF THE MASKS 'CUZ YOU SURE DON'T WANT ME TO DO IT FOR YOU!" yelled Purple, possibly even louder than before. Vaguely they could hear Borve's cries that he fell down the ladder.

"Dude, first, at least let me be able to sip the syrup" cried out a familiar voice, and lel revelead his face and The Sun did the same. "Gawdddddd" drawled Purple. He lowered his gun but didn't put it back in his holster. "What the hell are you doing just waiting on the side of the canal?!"

"Try carrying this lunk around for an enterity while you try to swim in Death Valley: Ocean Style" lel said with a slight roll of the eyes. "Something happened to the sub's propellers, and if we didn't get out of the ship quickly we'd be trapped at the bottom of the water."

"You're ship had problems, too? There's a coincidience and then there are... "coincidences."

"What happened?"

Slowly getting himself off the dock as Diago steered the ship so it rested on the side of the sand, Purple said "you'd have to ask one of the sleeping beauties, I was far too out of it to process what they said last night."

Lethal quickly made it out of the dock and gave a big, hearty hug to his old friend Sun, perhaps the second person in the world he could trust whole-heartedly. The Sun did let out a slight moan but hugged him fully back, indicating that he was still in quite a lot of pain on his left side. Jack and Brove slowly followed as Diago quickly woke up the rest from the hull.

"So you're submarine died before you got here?" Purple asked as he pulled out one of his cigarattes.

"Donno what happened but it started sinking like a stone. We knew we were directly south of the island but jeez had little time to grab anything but the compass and put on this, uh, elaborate bee-keeper attire" said lel with a slight chuckle at the end. "Had to swim at least fifteen, twenty miles and of course I had to carry this invalid the whole way" he added, slowly tapping The Sun on the shoulder.

"Shit, someone's out to get us" Lethal added, a bit awkwardly.

"So should we get back in the boat or just walk and try to find the door Ricardo said would be along here?" Purple said in a cloud of smoke.

"Best to get in the boat to find this elusive door, don't trust this whole canal too much to be honest. Sorry, just how I feel" responded Diago.

"Aight, Lethal, Jack and I will stay on the dock and stand guard. Do you two have any weapons?" he asked lel and The Sun.

"No, didn't have time to grab any. It's okay, We ain't cowards." responded lel with the expected tounge-in-cheek.

"Aight, get in the boat with the rest of the A-team."

"Let me know if you see anything, Ill still be looking down here as well." said Diago as he helped lift the Sun down the ladder.

"Wouldn't do anything less" responded Purple as Diago closed the latch.

Although perhaps more nervous to have three unshielded DNers out there on the dock Diago thought is was probably for the best. "You can join the rest in the hull, should be enough room" he said to the new passengers and pointed to his left. "Gotz the pancackes?" lel asked as he scooted behind The Sun to the front of the ship. Diago smiled and peered back through the persicope as he steadied the wheel.

Thirty minutes or so went by, still no sign of an entryway anywhere. He was expecting Bork to meet them but they we're well behind schedule. Still, the wait was starting to unnerve him. He went to go check out on the boys upstairs, who were all crouched at different ends of the dock, forming some kind of absurd Rockwell scene. He went back to his wheel. He could hear chatter and a bit of a laughter coming from the hull, eventually calling out that he's sorry the bad boys drank all the good liquor. "Fucking drunks lol!" he heard Borve call back.

Diago steered the boat slightly to the left side of the canal, couldn't shake the feeling of hopelessness that was slowly brewing inside him.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

GeevyDallas — Sun, 1 Dec 2013 07:54:57 GMT

Author: GeevyDallas

Posted: 12/01/2013 12:54

It all started to get too much for tekin, why the fuck has the doctor allowed this lunatic to just lay about his house all day he thought as he wolfed down his croissant. The smell of damp ran through the house, the doctor's new lodger had his dresses dotted around all the radiators in the household.

"YOU LOVE IT" was heard booming from the cellar, it was too early for patients tekin thought wearily, it was just one bizarre event after another, his mind now a pale shadow of its former self as a result. He crept down the stairs and was greeted with "hello dahling, are you going to join us". The doctor kitted out in his customary bunny costume had the newly acquired lodger bent over his knee, his dress nearly fully off, mid way between his shoulders and rear end, that was currently pink, but was getting redder after each strike of the paddle. "fuck it" tekin said, the constant barrage of mind altering events had taken their toll on him. He grabbed the lodger by the throat, "do you like that?" he said not knowing if this sort of act was acceptable in the situation, he wasn't used to this sort of seedy exchange. "I fucking love it" said the lodger hoarsely. Tekin caught sight of his newly pedicured feet and moved his hands away from his neck and towards the newly refurbished piggies after a minute or so of heavy choking. "what's your name?" tekin enquired . "I go by Saoirse now" he said, before spitting in his face. tekin had never been this turned on, the saliva dripped from his brow and into his mouth as tekin became a beast fueled by sexual desire. The doctor removed himself from the exchange, he sat in the corner looking longingly at their interactions, he removed the lower half of his costume and enjoyed their show.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Sun, 1 Dec 2013 04:53:15 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/01/2013 09:53

Lethal put his switchblade back under his belt as his watchshift ended for the night. He was keeping it extra close to him at this time, suddenly being stranded on a place with a few strangers he shared a connection only through some truly horrifying events in the past, and one stranger whom he couldn't shake a suspicion of coy innocence and hidden motives. It was natural to be suspicious when your line of work involving doing the dirty work people needed done but no average human had the stomach to carry out in full. Dealing with innocent people was never an option. Didn't make the odd pileup of unfortunate coincidiences seem like an accident. Then again, the only person he trusted in the world was legitimately bonkers, so oddly he tried to take solace in the fact that his mind might be permanetly warped.

"Hey, your turn bruh, any luck?" Lethal asked Nachesian as he walked over and sat to the side of the now capsized ship. "Nope, just a vessel of ineptitude now Im afraid. I think the only hope is someone finds us. I checked with Ritsu's compass and that map we brought and indeed the island seems to be exactly fifty miles north. If Diago did indeed pick up the boys he should be coming this way soon. WE just gotta make sure someone is always on both sides of the little strip of land here." Necharsian said as he continued to survey the ship for any sign of life.

"Of course you gotta make sure that Drak isn't left alone with Meow. Sorry to keep harping on that, mate, but it's a necessity. It's not time to graciously expect nothing sinister from someone we know nothing about." Lethal said, in an unusually formal manner.

"Ritsu's over there. Although Drak seems to be eyeing her now in a way... I just don't seem to like. Probably just me getting paranoid haha. Haven't been able to rock out to any Kamelot in ages is probably getting to me". Lethal responded with a wheeze of a laugh. "Yeah, it just seems odd how much weird shit happened on such a peaceful night. How could we lose total control of a simple ship like this, it just seems chalking it up as an accident that we can't explain is total bollocks" he added, in the same formal tone which he hoped would continue to hammer his suspicions into Nach's eternally optimistic mindset. Although it was of different reasons, he noticed Nach was picking on something else that was vaguely troubling Lethal too

Lethal walked over to the other side of the tiny island they now inhabitated, seemingly encountering more seaweed along the shore then he remembered on his first little hike. This land couldn't be more than forty or so feet long, though the large rock that was temporarily hiding much of the crew from sight made it seem even more claustrophobic. It's oddly beautiful cobalt blue color was particulary unsettling. This didn't seem natural.

"Hey" Lethal said as came over to ritsu and the two sleeping girls on the other side of the island's rock. "So you have two girls laying right beside you and you're actually camping down as far as possible from them?! you're squidding me, I hope" laughed Ritsu with her usual cheshire cat grin. Laying down at the far right end of the rock, Lethal responded with "haha not crossing my mind at this moment. And it might be better to spot a boat that's coming straight towards us, horizontally" responded Lethal, carefully choosing his words. "Aight, take it Nach still hasn't figured out why the boat started to flood and stranded us on this beautiful nightmare. Im going to go keep him company for a bit, you okay or do you need your sleep right away?" asked Ritsu. "Nah, Ill be fine, still not sleepy" responded Lethal. "Okay see you soon, hopefullly with better news, though considering this is smaller than a honkey rink I don't know how we wouldn't notice the same things". You'd be surprised, thought Lethal bitterly.

He noticed Drak had her arms curved over Meow (or whoever she was) like an umberella handle, almost like she was protecting her in some way. It would be sweet if he wasn't so distrusting of Meow, although he was begging to notice strange behavior by everybody. The way Ritsu was looking at Meow, but with a different sort of intrigue. How Drak was starting to look scarily as people seemed to approach her new "friend" with a certain level of caution or thinly veiled distrust. How Nach seemed to dismiss the possibility that someone tampered with the boat after they all got in it. Things were far too strange to dismiss as them being mentally disoriented by being isolated far out in the ocean and the bizzare situation they now found themselves in.

Lethal layed down but didn't rest his eyes. He wandered across the land. Noticed Ritsu and Nach having a conversation on the side of the boat but they were just laughing and playfully punching each other, either they were great at masking secret convos about the rest of the crew or they were just two old friends enjoying some alone time for once. He studied the texture of the blue rock, trying to notice any trace of humans altering it in some way, but not being a scientist his ability to detect any such un-natural features were amateur at best. Made him think of Purple and where the others happeed to be at this particular moment. At least it kept him from spending too much time studying this stranger and her suspicious (in a different way) protector, who was barely less a stranger to miss Meow than the rest of them were.

He stared at the stars for awhile after the rock lost his interest, and almost drifted off to sleep until he happened to gaze to his left and saw Meow's and Drak's eyes open. After a quick glance to the other side of the island he was about to greet the pair beside him until he noticed their eyes were now closed. They were in the exact same sleeping position they were in since Lethal had been over here. This did no favors for his boiling paranoia. Gingerly Lethal arose and was about to make his way over to the flipped boat when he noticed Ritsu and Nach were now hidden. While it's not like they could just get up and leave, the fact that they now felt they needed to be hidden from the rock dweller's view was unnerving, to put it mildly. He tiptoed across the sand and made his way to the boat and could hear the familiar voices chatting away. Nothing out of the ordinary, they seemed to be talking about a bar they used to go into Edmonton, but for some reason Lethal wanted to startle them a bit. It was a creepy desire to have at this moment.

If it weren't for the sound of Peking O being played backwards (in the most hushed tone possible) he would've gotten his chance. A green boat in an odd backwards-L like slant came up to them. If the shape and new color didn't convince him, the tughorn sound confirmed it. It was Diago. Ritsu and Nach noticed it too and peaked out from behind them, asking the now-nearby Lethal "whats going on?!!!!" in near unison.

"It's okay, it's Diago, it can only be him. Recognize Peking O in reverse?" Lethal said with a raise of the eyebrows. "Ill go wake Drak and Meow, get everything you can from the ship and make sure Diago sees you, although the fact he pulled the tughorn means he knows were here, I guess" Lethal called as he hurried back to the luminescent blue rock.

He felt silly having to pretend to wake up the sleeping mates but he did it anyway, and if they gave just-woke-up performances they were perfect. "Quick, just join us on the other side" and quickly made his way over there. The Astral Projection stopped all the way onto the island's shore before shopping. The stranded clan heard the latch under the dock open and saw a familiar face peak out of the hole. "Hey guys, guess it's good we were behind schedule. Purple, Borve and Jack are on board. Don't know what happened here but no time for that. Grab what you got and get on board, no time to waste, something feels a little off out here" Diago said, echoing their thoughts to a perfect T.

After the last batch of food was brought by Nach under the dock, Defago closed and bolted the latch and quickly made his way to the steering wheel, making rapid movements first left then right, pulling them back on course. After that, he turned around and took one hand off the wheel and extended it to his new passengers. "Glad to see you're all okay. Sorry about the lack of greetings out there, it just feels natural to be paranoid these days". And Diago gave them an update about what happened on the Astral Projection this night, told them he recognized some bodies against a strange bright blue rock that he knew could only be them, made sure everybody was okay and then tended back to his periscope.

Drak held Meow and stroked back her curly dark hair as Nach and Ritsu sat side by side wordlessly. The three hellraisers from the dock still were sleeping soundly at the hull. Sitting at the back of the little navigation room of the AP, Lethal kept the same dark expression. He's been a lone wolf his entire life, but now he felt completely and utterly alone in the world, and for the first time in his life he felt truly terrified.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

SquishypuffDave — Sun, 1 Dec 2013 03:19:01 GMT

Author: SquishypuffDave

Posted: 12/01/2013 08:19

lel pedaled the tiny submarine furiously. The Sun sat in the back trying not to look at the violent pornographic posters plastered all over the walls.

"To be honest, I always thought this organization was more of a recreational music fan club type thing. I never really took the 'freedom fighter' aspect very seriously. You know what I mean?"

lel nodded. He shuffled in his seat and let out a torturously long wet fart.

"Sorry about that."

"Oh, for the love of God! Can we please go up for some fresh air?"

"No can do. We're already behind schedule... Did you just see that?"

They peered through the porthole into the murky deep. Nothing but an inky black expanse. lel shrugged.

"It was probably just a seal."

"I swear if we don't go up for air I'm going to pass out."

"Yep. Probably a seal."

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Sun, 1 Dec 2013 02:28:17 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/01/2013 07:28

"I see your Ipod. What if we lived a day as each other's Ipod?" the cloaked stranger asked his guest. The broken DVD's still lied on the ground, he didn't bother to pick them up. There were more important things to be hashed out today.

The stranger had a guest today. His taste was quite ecletic, but his choice in bands didn't match any of the typical red flag indicators. Who was Vanessa Carlton, Brokencyde, Electric Wizard? Hmm. He was a tough one to place, this fellow. Looking up with a cracked pair of specs and his thick dark hair wildly askew, the guest just started at him. The stranger didn't like him. He was smiling a most impish grin. It was both crooked and wide, and he just wouldn't change his expression for a second. Unlike some others he seen, there was no sign that this was done by someone else. It appeared to be all of his own accord. This made no sense. Usually his victims we're visibly unaware they would be encountering him and met him with pure befuddlement or fear. This guy... he seemed to be expecting it. Welcoming it. And he wouldn't stop. That. oh that. grin.

"You are a strange one indeed. A special one. I see your given name is Applen George. Is that correct?". Applen did nothing but continue his eerie grin. "I was compelled to come find you, but you don't fit any easy pigeonholing. What if I shot a pigeon? Oh well. For some reason I can't continue what I do until I find out more." The shutters were acting up again, startling the all of a sudden wiry cloaked gentlemen. He went back t othe window and made sure to tape the windows shut extra tight this time. He came back. His guest had the same expression. "WILL YOU STOP SMILING LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!... YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL INTIMIDATED!" The cloaked stranger yelled, shattering an already-cracked pea-green vase resting near the pale white fireplace. He raised a hand to strike him, but... he just couldn't. Something was wrong here. Very wrong. He went back to his seat. Continued to stare at his guest that was now his prisoner. Applen as usual did nothing. Except sport that same serene, hideous grin.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

SquishypuffDave — Sun, 1 Dec 2013 01:55:46 GMT

Author: SquishypuffDave

Posted: 12/01/2013 06:55

Bork stared out to sea. The colossal reef leered at him as seagulls encircled the lighthouse, shrieking cruel warnings. The lighthouse had been long broken, but still provided refuge when the tide became violent. He sliced open a can of rations and downed its syrupy contents. The horizon remained empty.

Night came and went.

Bork dragged a can of gasoline along the island's border, baking in the sun's contemptful glare. The electric fence crackled buzzed. He reached the generator and poured gasoline into its hungry mouth. He turned and surveyed the chasm at the island's centre. He knew not how deep it went, nor what caused the foul winds that gushed from its bowels. The wooden scaffolding only reached so far; the rest of the way down was reserved for men with greater spelunking skills than he.

Night came and went.

Supplies were low. The monthly cargo dropship was now several weeks late, and Bork was beginning to worry. Again he gazed out to the ocean. Grey, deathly and undulating. It had been long since the ocean appeared to him a thing of beauty. Bork rubbed his eyes. A speck on the horizon? Possibly. A mirage? More likely than not. For several minutes he squinted before he made up his mind. A ship was approaching. All he could do now was watch as it navigated his treacherous coast.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Anonymous — Sat, 30 Nov 2013 22:50:04 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 12/01/2013 03:50

They knew now that most of their time would simply be just waiting, like standing in line at the Department of Licensing for hours on end and yet the only thing they would get in return is averted death. Still, these people were a particularly testy bunch, and when their patience was pushed to the breaking point any sense of stability in their situation was hopelessly gone.

Jack smoked the stub of a near-finished cigaratte and blurted out "it's so fucking cold out here, when is this guy ever going to get here", punctuating the sentence with a long sigh of nicotine dust and following with "and how do we even know someone is even coming to pick us up tonight?"

Getting annoyed by the wind's blowback of his own cigaratte's smoke, Purple quickly extinguished the cigaratte on his arm and replied with "we don't even know if he's coming. I didn't think Diago was still alive, but if the message is accurate he will be meeting us at this exact point according to the map. And apparently we have a couple of visitors meeting us here as well" purple added after a short pause.

"Who?" asked Jack

"Borve and Revolver, if they're still alive. I don't know who is still fucking breathing these days, given none of us should be after all the shit's that gone down in the past" Purple said plainly

"I heard Tekin is back out on a mission these days, is he meeting us?" Jack inquired

"No, I heard from a *reliable source* that he's going to some doctor's house. Apparently one who likes to scare the shit out of his patients by meeting them in his cellar, wearing a purple bunny costume and instilling fear in their minds through the sonic mind-control of Jandek. Sick fuck from what I hear. But apparently may have some useful information that Tekin hopes to worm out of him. And I mean worm quite literally. Just what ive heard, not from anywhere official mind you" Purple said with an emphatic point of the eyes that told Jack all she needed to know.

"Yeah, I know, Wildcard. Well if these assholes don't come soon Im just going to go out for some shots" Jack said, slurring every word

"Or how about we down some absinthe and listen to slint you're drunk lol" a voice said suddenly behind the two, even managing to rattle possibly the least jumpy people in the entire world.

"Borve, what. the. fuck. Do you really think a meeting out on a broken-down old dock in the middle of nowhere is the best time to sneak up on two motherfuckers like us? You think we're here unarmed?!" Purple asked rhetorically

"Since when did you become so discreet lol" Borve replied. "I donno you're literally right next to the ocean you think I turned into a dolphin or something just so I could meet you face-to-face lol."

"Gawd Borve I see the years have done nothing to change you. Are you going by Borve now or one of your bazillion aliases?"

"No now it's wily-waggle lol"

"I see. Im going to call you that from now on so yeah real sorry (he rolling his eyes) if that's a joke. AND JACK PUT THAT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SPEAK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" purple suddenly yelled to his left side, noticing Jack was trying to sneak something out of a small plastic tube.

"Jeesh, I just can't fucking wait here for forever and not do...something... to pass the time" Jack said slyly

"I ain't exactly all together myself but don't pull this now. This is incredibly serious, a word Im begging to doubt you even know"

"Seriously serious lol" Borve chimed in

"Yeah I forgot about Borve. Two peas without a pod"

A long silence followed as they continued to wait, with each taking a different corner of the dock to make sure they weren't vulnerable to a sneak attack. They knew it was pretty much live or die time now.

"By the way Borve why the hell isn't Revolver with you" Purple called suddenly, the notable abscence of one member dawning on him just now

"Oh he got arrested for swimming naked in a public fountain lol. Beat up a cop he thought was the sandmonster or something, I donno lol. Haven't heard from him since, he never was released" responded Borve.

"That's comforting" Purple replied with a weary sarcasm. "Probably not going to be released anytime soon if the situation is as bad as Ricardo seems to indicate that it is. But that guy can always get worked up over fuck all, so I don't believe everything he says- yet." Borve nodded, still a little unclear about Purple's hints of what was happening or not happening.

The wait seemed to last forever, but finally a dark shape was floating on the water's moonlight reflection. Tentatively, they had their hands above their holsters, as they were not so naive as to think the coast was suddenly clear. However when it got within a notical mile there was no mistaking the weird slant shape of the one and only Astral Projection sailboat. It looked very different, possibly intentional to mask itself from any curious eye, but they were one of the few people who could recognize the mighty mite of a sail-ship with whatever aesthetic changes happened to be made to it. And one of the few lucky souls who got to see the person who quickly popped his head over the dock.

"Diago, you salty bastard" Purple said with a rare giant grin. "Hey man, sorry gotta be real quick, everybody grab on to the rail (pointing to the thin metal bars on the port side of the ship) and push themselves over, I only got a minute" Diago said in a hurry, quickly helping to grab Jack over the rail. "I see someone dipped into her secret stash early" he said with a comical shake of his head as Jack awkwardly stumbled onto the dock of the ship. After helping Purple and Borve onto the ship he quickly directed them all to the latch from which he came and hurried them down the set of stairs leading to the bottom of the ship. After a rapid spin on the steering wheel he tucked away the sail and quickly joined them down below.

"So it's just you three?" Diago inquired, a little puzzled.

"Drak, Nach, Ritsu and Lethal met somewhere else. And a little birdie told me Drak's bringing along a friend" Purple responded, suddenly piquing the intrest of his sleepy fellow passengers.

"Young, shy and american I take it" Diago replied with a quiet laugh. "Well as long as he or, more likely, she is not a spy that should be okay"

"And The Sun is apparently being transported submarine-style by lel and his crew. Ricardo should already be on Bork's island."

"Aight. What about Revolver or Tekin?"

"Tekin is already on some mission or something. Revolver of course never met a blue pill he didn't love and fucked up royally, like prison-time royally. The only thing Borve knows apparently is that he never got released from jail. Sounds ominous."

"Okay, I guess that's all I need for now. I know what happened to Geevy and Dave, fucking martyrs man." said Diago, with the expected somber tone. "Don't know how we're going to fight if this whole thing is really as far-reaching as they say".

"Don't know deFAGGGO" Purple drawled, drawing a laugh then a punch on the shoulder from his old friend.

"You awful motherfucker. But many nostalgia points for that, my compadre. Well Im all rested up so Ill keep lookout and steer the ship tonight. You all can get some sleep"

"Jack's trying to fondle me again whenever I close my eyes lol" Borve called out suddenly from the ship's hull.

"Yeah for your own safety I wouldn't sleep next to that slu---sorry, I know, I mean the best sloot in the world" Purple called back as Jack started to yell "Shut up you Russian bastard". "Know it's crowded here and Jack's not dumb enough to sneak up on me when Im sleeping. So I guess Im the meat of the sandwhich tonight" Purple said with a wink as he made his way forward.

It was unexpectedly calm night. The waves lapped pleasently across the ship's brawny exterior, and even with all the crap on their minds the three peas in a very small pod all managed to finally drift off to a deep sleep as Diago serenly kept watch out of his little homemade periscope. The only alarming sound is when he heard a deep rumbling beneath him, consoling himself that it must be the Sun and lel crossing his path. Given these days a place as remote as the ocean over international waters couldn't shake the feeling that they were still, constantly and surreptiously, being watched.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

Defago — Sat, 30 Nov 2013 18:44:08 GMT

Author: Defago

Posted: 11/30/2013 23:44

A woman older than time itself sat in a small room with a TV. She watched the recent happenings, carried out by the people under her command, albeit unknowingly. Her minions thought they were working of their own accord, and most didn't even know her; she was always whispering in their ears as they slept, though. All of her effort throughout the long decades was finally about to give fruits. Her many connections, in the end, had given her enough power to be able to reshape the world into whatever she pleased. Smiling, she focused on the black and white screen.

In it, a pale cloaked man was looking at the pretty lights that adorned his room, while he scratched his arm in an almost maniacal way. She pressed a button on the remote in her hand, and the channel changed with a zap. There was now a small imp in the picture. He had been banished from the mortal realm many times before, by her annoying enemies. The imp in the picture was locked in a hanging cage, thrashing around. A plate on the door read "JOJ". Zap! The television now showed a room full of computers, surrounding a metallic coffin with cables protruding from it. The faint chorus from "The Village Green Preservation Society" could be heard from within. N4-PL35 would soon have finished regenerating, ready for assisting with her schemes. Zap. Zap. Zap. She switched channels until she found her dearest minion, created from her very own flesh and blood. Her loved, adored little JG. He was her most important piece in this game. He was, after all, the one God named & prophesied while she was studying the heart of God. She was AWED at his presence, and in due time, the whole human race would as well. He would be their messiah, their savior from incorrect opinions and sinful liberalism.

She started laughing loudly, then coughed into her handkerchief, and finally she prayed to God, without whom none of her plans would have come so far.

Re: The new and improved completely inoffensive BEA Novel thread

alelsupreme — Sat, 30 Nov 2013 14:18:17 GMT

Author: alelsupreme

Posted: 11/30/2013 19:18

The best thing about this place had to be the seclusion, reflected Poe as he looked on at the East China Sea.
No one lived on these islands, they never had, aside from him. This utter isolation was, to him, absolutely wonderful. Oh, the avant-drone-classical it inspired!

The postal plane hadn't come over yet, annoyingly. Every week, it dropped a crate full of the newest, most abstract Scaruffi-approved music. He hoped the whole debacle with China hadn't effected postage times, falling behind like this would make him look a fool in the eyes of his similarly isolated brethren. He could just picture that bloody Marxist now, his ridiculous beard muffling his hysterical laughter!

Suddenly, he heard a rustling amongst his hedgegrows. He looked towards his garden, and saw the outline of a man there. Creeping forwards, he slowly withdrew his katana from it's holster. As he got closer, he could see the man was... picking his mushrooms? Suddenly, the man jumped up and turned - he'd been spotted!

He went to pull a gun, but Poe was too fast. The blade severed the head from the body with ease. He crouched to examine the corpse, and noticed an insignia on the dead mans coat. The insignia showed a white cross on a read background - the Danish flag? - and the motto "I objektivitet vi tillid". As an extremely cultured man, Poe instantly understood. They were back. He instantly knew that he must contact the one only known as Yourself and, though it pained him so, the Marxist. For if "It" was back, only they could hope to stop him.