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Re: BEA Support

HigherThanTheSun — Wed, 9 Apr 2014 21:21:24 GMT

Author: HigherThanTheSun

Posted: 04/10/2014 01:21

Any fight that's planned will almost always not happen, it definitely needs to be a heat of the moment type thing, it takes most people quite a lot before they feel like actually punching someone's face. I remember getting excited for fights that had been planned at school so many times and only once was it not a massive disappointment.

But yeah, this girl seems crazy, leave her alone.

Re: BEA Support

SuedeSwede — Wed, 9 Apr 2014 09:10:42 GMT

Author: SuedeSwede

Posted: 04/09/2014 13:10

Jackwc wrote:

Hahaha, this really brings me back to high school. Saw these situations a lot, and typically if there's a lot of talk it's just talk and no fight is gonna happen - most of the fights that actually went down with me were typically escalated on the spot, heat of the moment-type deals. But I dunno, maybe that's just our Canadian sensibilities, maybe Americans put more planning into their fist fights. 🤣

That's super shitty though, man, sounds like she has some serious issues to work out/at worst is a sociopath. It's likely she's just lashing out because she's hurt and confused - she wants to assume you're gay so that you were never an option and she'll be able to live on with her boyfriend without any doubts. Your persisting presence makes her question her decision so she has to vilify you. Whateves, "plenty of fish in the sea" and all that shit. Just don't do anything stupid like get involved in this fight or be instigating with her boyfriend, that'll just end poorly obviously.

Also in other news my girlfriend and I broke up today; we're keeping it casual, so we're still gonna chill and... uh... "stuff", but we won't be in a relationship anymore. For the best.

Americans may put more planning into their fist fights, but that wouldn't affect a Brit like me, surely? 🤣

The bit in bold just proves to the whole community that you always hit the nail on the head with these things. I don't think things through very often, that's brilliant 😁 anyways, I was over her sometime ago, I just wanted to remain in a good friendship, but now I just want to leave her alone, I don't like her attitude.

That's sad, but at least you seem to have things sorted. Have you...?

Re: BEA Support

Jackwc — Tue, 8 Apr 2014 01:07:25 GMT

Author: Jackwc

Posted: 04/08/2014 05:07

SuedeSwede wrote:

Ha. Totally forgot I posted here. Well, she's been completely forgetting about my friend and I to start off with, so I asked her about that and she said she "wants me out of her life", for no apparent reason whatsoever. Anyhow, I then hear that she has been questioning my sexuality and saying hurtful comments about me behind my back to, and this makes it worse, a friend's father. I prompted her on it politely, and she then proceeded to call me a prick straight away and said "if you don't trust me you can fuck off", essentially. And I don't trust her to be fair, she lies about a lot, evidently. So one thing leads to another, her boyfriend gets involved, my friend starts talking to her boyfriend, her boyfriend threatens my friend, her boyfriend's friend threatens my friend, and there's probably going to be a fight going down soon, a pretty big one, not just a one-on-one either. I felt like I'd caused this but I realised it was pretty much all her doing - she's the kind of girl to try and get other people to sort her problems out resorting to violence. Anyway, I'm staying well out of these fights, and I'm staying well away from her from now on. BEA, you are now allowed to say, "I told you so".

Re: BEA Support

SuedeSwede — Mon, 7 Apr 2014 12:43:08 GMT

Author: SuedeSwede

Posted: 04/07/2014 16:43

Ha. Totally forgot I posted here. Well, she's been completely forgetting about my friend and I to start off with, so I asked her about that and she said she "wants me out of her life", for no apparent reason whatsoever. Anyhow, I then hear that she has been questioning my sexuality and saying hurtful comments about me behind my back to, and this makes it worse, a friend's father. I prompted her on it politely, and she then proceeded to call me a prick straight away and said "if you don't trust me you can fuck off", essentially. And I don't trust her to be fair, she lies about a lot, evidently. So one thing leads to another, her boyfriend gets involved, my friend starts talking to her boyfriend, her boyfriend threatens my friend, her boyfriend's friend threatens my friend, and there's probably going to be a fight going down soon, a pretty big one, not just a one-on-one either. I felt like I'd caused this but I realised it was pretty much all her doing - she's the kind of girl to try and get other people to sort her problems out resorting to violence. Anyway, I'm staying well out of these fights, and I'm staying well away from her from now on. BEA, you are now allowed to say, "I told you so".

Re: BEA Support

Defago — Mon, 7 Apr 2014 12:42:55 GMT

Author: Defago

Posted: 04/07/2014 16:42

Today alelsupreme took way too much time to say hi back to me and then he pressured me to conform his conditioned ideals of right and wrong. needless to say i'm devastated.

Re: BEA Support

benpaco — Fri, 4 Apr 2014 22:07:01 GMT

Author: benpaco

Posted: 04/05/2014 02:07

SuedeSwede wrote:

You guys were right that girl is a complete and utter bitch. She is causing shit for no reason. Don't like her anymore. Didn't come here for support just a note to self to listen to Jack and others more.

Sounds kinda familiar (or spot on familiar), what's going on? I know you didn't come for support but I think at least Jack and I and others would love to help if possible

Re: BEA Support

HigherThanTheSun — Fri, 4 Apr 2014 21:22:23 GMT

Author: HigherThanTheSun

Posted: 04/05/2014 01:22

Jackwc wrote:

What went down?

She obviously didn't, wahey banter

Re: BEA Support

Jackwc — Fri, 4 Apr 2014 21:16:21 GMT

Author: Jackwc

Posted: 04/05/2014 01:16

SuedeSwede wrote:

What went down?

Re: BEA Support

SuedeSwede — Fri, 4 Apr 2014 18:54:04 GMT

Author: SuedeSwede

Posted: 04/04/2014 22:54

You guys were right that girl is a complete and utter bitch. She is causing shit for no reason. Don't like her anymore. Didn't come here for support just a note to self to listen to Jack and others more.

Re: BEA Support

SuedeSwede — Wed, 2 Apr 2014 08:31:54 GMT

Author: SuedeSwede

Posted: 04/02/2014 12:31

Jackwc wrote:

Yeah, the Brandon shit may have piled on a little more than was necessary but this thread has done a lot of good.

Anyway BEA, I'm breaking up with my girlfriend after she's finished exams (I don't want the break up to affect her schooling, she's brilliant and going places, yadda yadda), but I've come to realize that I just instinctively treat her like shit and she doesn't do anything about it, and I can't let her live like this. She's a great girl but she just lets me walk all over her, and I walk all over her because I'm a spiteful, angry asshole. I put her down, ignore her, completely ignore her boundaries, generally treat her like an object, push her around, crash at her place "whenever I feel", am selfish sexually with her, and don't take interest in her interests or opinions. I was also unfaithful (although I was coerced into being so, and eventually kept myself from going too far). I am a terrible boyfriend and she can and should do way better.

It hurts to let her go but for her own sake I really have to - I think that maybe I'm just not ready for this right now? I'm also moving to Montreal in September, so...

Shit man that's a really mature decision. I guess I'd suggest you could try to be the boyfriend you'd like to be, but then again this is probably already the option you're already familiar and yet you feel you just can't be that person. I dunno, if you need anything just ask.

Re: BEA Support

SuedeSwede — Wed, 2 Apr 2014 08:28:34 GMT

Author: SuedeSwede

Posted: 04/02/2014 12:28

an_outlaw wrote:

This thread is starting to feel like a bad idea.

Nope. These comments didn't exactly help Brandon or anything, because it shoved people's perspective of his own relationship (which he wasn't even asking for help about anyway) in his face and I suppose he had a huge realisation. It's more of a personal thing. Nezzle put it nicely, but I feel everyone (including me) probably should have left the situation rather than trying to fix something that didn't need fixing.

Re: BEA Support

Anonymous — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 23:27:13 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 04/02/2014 03:27

yeah my girlfriend of almost a year dropped the broken fidelity bomb on my head now i think two weeks ago and it's been quite the cleanup for both sides. we're not together anymore, but it still feels very odd to not be. hope you and she get through this well. also, since this is the mushy thread, i guess i'll mention that i've noticed an upsurge of hostility from myself towards friends and acquaintances all over, and BEA is no exception. sorry if y'all've been on the receiving end of some snark or outright rudeness these past couple weeks.

Re: BEA Support

Jackwc — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 23:20:05 GMT

Author: Jackwc

Posted: 04/02/2014 03:20

benpaco wrote:

Honestly, this thread is the reason I'm seeing someone right now. It's been really helpful in my own life, and I'd hope in the lives of others, to hear from strangers, get an outside opinion, or just get a needed pick-me-up.

Re: BEA Support

benpaco — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 22:28:54 GMT

Author: benpaco

Posted: 04/02/2014 02:28

an_outlaw wrote:

This thread is starting to feel like a bad idea.

Re: BEA Support

junodog4 — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 21:13:10 GMT

Author: junodog4

Posted: 04/02/2014 01:13

an_outlaw wrote:

This thread is starting to feel like a bad idea.

I'd say the exact opposite. I'm sad to see Brandon leave, but there's been a discussion that's raised some really important points to come out of it. Further, he knows there's support for him on BEA. 15 can be a tough age. I hope everyone can find balance in their lives and some meaningful face to face connections.

Re: BEA Support

Anonymous — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 19:31:43 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 04/01/2014 23:31

This thread is starting to feel like a bad idea.

Re: BEA Support

benpaco — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 19:30:31 GMT

Author: benpaco

Posted: 04/01/2014 23:30

Jackwc wrote:

Alright, my comment was harsh and uncalled for, I'm sorry - but seriously I don't think that whole "well if your heart's in it" logic is very healthy to nurture, it denies one's rationality and ethics, which are necessary along with emotion to making important decisions.

If you're sad and you kill yourself, for example, you are only appealing to emotion (pathos) (I am sad and want to kill myself because I'm so sad), but you are ignoring logic/reason (logos) (suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem), and your personal ethics (ethos) (I don't want to deprive my friends and family of existence because of something ultimately trivial).

Pursuing a relationship with a 21 year old when you're 15 requires the same lack of full thinking.

I appreciate that and I see your logic behind it. I don't know if I agree, but in the end, I don't know if this has a right or wrong, so much as opinions. That said, you've hit an important point here - anything and everything ought to be thought through thoroughly. I don't think you were being rude to Brandon, and certainly not compared to other users, but ... yeah, I think that point's been made

lethalnezzle wrote:

He was a genuinely lovely user, one of my favourites, but I don't think anything in this thread was particularly out of order. He came to BEA with an issue and, for the most part, other users gave him some good advice and some helpful thoughts, on all sides. Clearly the problem was a personal one, and whilst it's probably true that you shouldn't tell somebody how to live their life (although I maintain that most - most - of what was posted was done so with consideration and a genuine will to help), I think it may just have been a case of Brandon feeling uncomfortable in having let so much slip, and reading things about his situation that he didn't want to read / realising things about his situation that he didn't want to confront. Everybody has their own insecurities, and one of Brandon's got laid pretty fucking bare up in this thread. I think discussion about it probably should've stopped sooner (in fact, I'm probably a little out of order speculating about this shit right now, but I've had a drink and I feel like this needs to be said), but I don't think anybody was in any way malicious here. Hopefully he returns sooner rather than later, the forum will feel a little empty without him.

A fitting memorial, of sorts. I don't think anyone here was trying to hurt here. A few tried to laugh about it, and maybe that was wrong, but I don't think their intent was to hurt him. I think it says a lot that we're still talking about it (myself included) even with him gone.

More than anything, I'm just gonna miss him. Messaged him a few times last night, he seemed happy enough and he seemed to just be letting it roll over him, I'm shocked to see one of the best users on the site just disappear ... I really do hope he comes back. We'll be missing something really special in the meantime.

Re: BEA Support

Anonymous — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 19:03:29 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 04/01/2014 23:03

Yeah, I regret any role I played in that. Always sad to see a user take that out from any community, especially a member so ingrained the way Brandon was. I echo lethal's sentiments that I don't think anyone's words or ideas were out of line or corrosive, but I for one could have done to go back and get context if Tonality is correct that he was not actually seeking input and it was just a pileup. Still, I think the outpouring of attempts at support (wrongheaded though they might have been, if not inaccurate or unfair) goes to show why this community is so great and is one I'm already becoming proud of contributing to, even as a very new member. I hope Brandon comes to this conclusion sometime soon and comes right back.

Re: BEA Support

Hammy — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 18:54:12 GMT

Author: Hammy

Posted: 04/01/2014 22:54

Antonio-Pedro wrote:

this is really sad seriously he was my best friend :cry:

Ask him to come back, his leaving was just an emotional overreaction. To be fair to him though, he never asked for support or advice regarding his situation at first. His initial post was in support of another member, then it turned into being about him and his personal life.

Re: BEA Support

Anonymous — Tue, 1 Apr 2014 18:37:18 GMT

Author: Anonymous

Posted: 04/01/2014 22:37

He was a genuinely lovely user, one of my favourites, but I don't think anything in this thread was particularly out of order. He came to BEA with an issue and, for the most part, other users gave him some good advice and some helpful thoughts, on all sides. Clearly the problem was a personal one, and whilst it's probably true that you shouldn't tell somebody how to live their life (although I maintain that most - most - of what was posted was done so with consideration and a genuine will to help), I think it may just have been a case of Brandon feeling uncomfortable in having let so much slip, and reading things about his situation that he didn't want to read / realising things about his situation that he didn't want to confront. Everybody has their own insecurities, and one of Brandon's got laid pretty fucking bare up in this thread. I think discussion about it probably should've stopped sooner (in fact, I'm probably a little out of order speculating about this shit right now, but I've had a drink and I feel like this needs to be said), but I don't think anybody was in any way malicious here. Hopefully he returns sooner rather than later, the forum will feel a little empty without him.