Funniest Album Reviews

[jackbrown8786]

today I found this for Slayer's Diabolus In Musica:

"slayer be this great thrash band that was super big in the 80s, im talkin like reign in blood and south and heaven and shit, all kinds a crazy albums people everywhere dig
shit you can juss headbang to, you know
with this album these guys let the world know dem glory days be over fo rill
like it make you think are them brothas even tryin anymo

the two album before dis one aint nothin to marvel at anyway, but dey had a real chance to return ta glory here and they missed real bad
overall dis shit is legit annoying, like brotha maybe you should learn to write more then one riff, you know
i know they know how to, because they did it before
it be like when a brotha actin thug in tha street when you know that kid just aint like that, he gon be sum big fancy doctor, not a gangsta
go back ta schoo kid, get yer degree and shit and stop muckin about round here with us lowly folk
thas what this album be like, a future prettyboy doctor posin as some hard thug

even beyond that posin bit, you still gotsta consider for rill what exactly be goin down in them songs
like i guess you can call some of the solos, if you can even call em dat, mediocer at best
i jus dont undastand what there be ta lissen to once tha first track be done playin
not that it be a great track anyhow
i mean a brotha be yellin like he used to sorta, but he sound real weak now, older beyond a brotha years
and them gitarists aint seem real motivated either
a brotha need passion to play music good, and they actin like all the passion gone in they lives
jus becuz you start rippin off punk music don mean you forget yo purpose as thrash legends, ya dig

this album aint even a good by a number album, it just grate yo ears rill bad
at least a brotha can relive them glory days anytime a brotha want"

it reminded me of a review of an Insane Clown Posse album that I have to scour the internet for now b/c that review's even more classic. I'll find it, don't worry. anyway it gave me the idea for this thread, show me what you got.

[jackbrown8786]

found it quickly, this is a review of Insane Clown Posse's The Great Milenko by "disappointed_father" on rateyourmusic:

"recently my one son brandon has gotten into the hip hop music and so sometimes he plays this album when were driving to the pickle barrel or applebees. i must have heard it more than any album in the last few months so i think it iss a good place for me to start with my review

first off i honestly dont know what happened to music i mean i like some of the new stuff but it feels like no one plays real instruments anymore or has the passion they used to. instead i am subjected to all this vulgar fast talking and these computer sounds tht dont require any skill. i mean who would have thought the youth would latch onto duran duran more than the stones!

well this album features two black men singing mostly about murder and cussing more than id like them to. other subject matter seems to include rape and stuff about magicians and going to the carnival. i guess the target audience is for people who like mc hammer.

the instruments are really cheap sounding and the vocals are either hoarse and raspy or high pitched and snotty. i dont like either of the vocalists and im not sure if theyd be able to get a record deal back in the 70s but i guess the record industry will try anything once

the only songs tht stand out to me are 'whats a juggalo' and 'house of horrors'

whats a juggalo seems to me an anthemic track about wht it is to be a juggalo. there arent many answers and since i am not really sure wht one is its hard for me to understand. they reference hulk hogan and the popular hulkamania trend as well as classic board games like monopoly. these lyrics are pretty good but are intermingled with stuff about ejaculating and anal penetration which turns me off the song completely. if these aspects were removed i think itd be really funny but as it stands its just too obscene

house of horros is no better unfortunately. a lot of gibberish and more cussing and anal play lyrics. the intro seems to set an atmospheric tone but its quickly lost when then more whiny of the two singers starts making noises. "close your eyes open up your mouth and count to ten, you dont want to huh because you know my nuts are going inside" which wouldve probably made me laugh when i was 13, but brandon is already 18 and i worry that hes not a properly functional young adult

all in all id say that this is not recommended especially not to young children despite that theyd probably get the most out of it

Postives: some humour
negatives: cursing, lewd language, electronic sounds, lots of made up words, it jst sounds like hammer with different subject matter

until next time
-ben"

'recently my one son brandon has gotten into the hip hop music' lol, what a great intro to a great review. please somebody, give me more of this.

[FelixC]

I saw a review of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music that went like this:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.........

and on and on like that for two whole pages. It was hilarious.

[AAL2014]

[FelixC]

[FelixC]

[bobbyb5]

I laughed my ass off at this sarcastic negative review of Sigur Ros. You could like the album and still find this review hilarious.


Àgaetís Byrjun [Fat Cat, 2001]
Once there was a sensitive, conceited young fellow named Jonsi Birgisson who lived on a permafrost island surrounded by a cold, dark sea. Jonsi was a well-meaning person who loved music, and he yearned to put more warmth in the world even though he wasn't exactly sure what warmth was. Not just "throwing an electric blanket on the corpse of electronica," that he knew. Jonsi longed to blaze "inspired new avenues in sonic landscapes," to deliver "shamelessly tear-stained epics" in "the falsetto cadence of angels," to turn "4AD-styled, sepia-toned instrumental passages" into "awe-inspiring new-religious mantras." Stuff like that. He did all this and more on a thematically linked work where some of the sonic landscapes were entrancing (although not warm). Because he was conceited, sometimes he would announce that these soundscapes were destined to change musical history, and then sometimes mean people would make fun of him. But he always had the perfect retort. "You have to admit I'm smarter than Enya," he would say. And about that he was certainly right.

[AAL2014]

[Antonio-Pedro]

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