BEA Fanfictions

Anonymous · 2014-02-10T16:54:40-05:00

Put all your fanfictions here. This is the most asinine poorly written fanfiction I could manage...I present to you Goodsir and SuedeSwede's Passionate Love (sort of) It was a dark and stormy night. Goodsir sat in his bedroom listening to Genesis. “I must’ve dreamed a thousand dreams, been haunted by a million screams, but I can hear the marching feet…” “Oi!” exclaims Goodsir, “That's not the Genesis I like! You’re a terrible narrator.” Well excuse me! What a twat. Let’s go see the other character, then. I approach a bedroom window. “SuedeSwede!”, I call. No reply. I can see him clearly! He’s sitting at his computer, but he has removed his headphones and is looking right at me. “SuedeSwede!”, I call once more. He stares blankly. “Umm…AlphaSwede?” “Ah, yes, hello!” he replies. He stands from his chair and begins to walk towards the window, but suddenly a furry faced man bursts from his closet. Smack! The furry man roars, “I am AlphaSwede!” SuedeSwede is pinned and his face shows he is evidently in much pain. “Say it!” snarls AlphaSwede. SuedeSwede whimpers out, “An octopus eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous. Got me?” AlphaSwede removes himself from atop SuedeSwede. SuedeSwede begins to stand but is suddenly violently bashed in the head with a trout. “An octopus?!” roars AlphaSwede. His eyes were set on murder. I shattered the window with my cat claws and entered. “Wait!” I pleaded. AlphaSwede turns to me, questioningly. “A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous. Got me?” He nods, “Well, what is it?” “Let him live, just for now, I was hired to create a fan fiction between Goodsir and SuedeSwede.” “Must he be alive for that?” “Well, I suppose not.” AlphaSwede grinned. “Would you like to aid me?” I shrug. “I don’t see why not.” “Good, take this cucumber…” Swedenman helps me drag the body out. “Where are we taking it?” he asks. “That bush over there, that is where Goodsir lives.” “He lives in a bush?” “Shut up, this story is mostly nonsense and I can’t waste the whole fucking thing flying a body over to America…say, aren‘t you American too?” “Yeah, your story is riddled with plot holes.” “Well…let’s say we’re in America and SuedeSwede is visiting.” “Goodsir, open up!” I say as I knock on his window. He looks at me like this :evil: and I break that motherfucker’s kneecaps. Swedenman taps on my shoulder, “Plot holes? We haven’t even opened the window yet, how’d you manage to break his kneecaps?” “Cat powers.” “Cat Power?” “What?” “What?” Goodsir whimpers on the ground in pain. Swedenman throws SuedeSwede’s corpse on top of him. “Come on Goodsir, start having sex with him.” “What?!” cries Goodsir. “Have at it. This is BEA, we’re open to necrophiliacs of all types,” Swedenman says. Goodsir throws himself at me in desperation. I fall to the ground but Swedenman soon pulls Goodsir off of me. Goodsir was mauled to death by a beard that day. Swedenman and I stood, surveying the two corpses piled on top of each other. I say, “Do you know any engineers? I’m thinking we could attach motors to their pelvises…Damn, Drakonium would know what to do, he is very good with pelvises.” Swedenman turns to face me. “What’d you say?” “I said do you know any engineers?” “After that!” he roars. It all comes back to me, Swedenman always eyed Drakonium with those little hearts in his eyes like in cartoons, you know? Anyways, despite my cat powers, I know I could not face the beard, so I had to resort to my last resort (“Kind of a redundant sentence, eh?” says Swedenman.) I suddenly snatch his beard from his face with my candy Claws (“was that an attempt at namedropping? ‘Cause it doesn’t really make sense.” says Swedenman) I attach the beard to my face, as Swedenman falls to the floor, now a vegetable. The people of Sweden keep their brains in their beards, and so now I am something more…I am SwedenMeow! Camsh enters the room. “You never did make them have sex? What kind of fan fiction is this? God, what a waste.” “Well, you can always fuck them if you’d like.” I say. Camsh grins.

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alelsupreme Awful. Profile

Jackwc wrote:

There is so little genuine humor to be found in this thread.

Yeah, nothing else quite matches #Jherekosucksdicks.
_________________

Romanelli wrote:

We're all fucked, lads.

Goodsir

alelsupreme wrote:

Yeah, nothing else quite matches #Jherekosucksdicks.

ikr

Guest

Goodsir wrote:

ikr

You always say this and if you reply you'll probably say the same thing again ikr. I hope this is the last time I'll write ikr; it looks lame ass

alelsupreme Awful. Profile

Goodsir wrote:

ikr

I'm serious.
_________________

Romanelli wrote:

We're all fucked, lads.

drakonium coucou Profile
More than one

thesze fan fix are not very good sorry, even brandon hasn't ùmade a job xchich is really freat compared to the poenezzle thre best ui,n suck dicks ok

sp4cetiger

IrishMusichead wrote:

Grrowal!
Swedenmanxsp4cetiger(or possibly Brandon but more offenses would be held)

There is no fiction, only alternate truth. I feed because I hunger. I hunt because I was hired to do so.

Saoirse

I think the whole fanfic works well as a one-off or used in a more coherent fashion, but when we have an entire thread where there's a whole lot of different plots and attempts at it they start to feel pretty forced in trying to be really over-the-top and funny, though that's not a bite against anybody here who's participated. They all just tend to blur together than really stand out when taken in one sitting. Perhaps focus on one particular scenario and it's group of users and then expand it, give it depth, or I donno, I guess that's the rather incoherent BEA novel. Maybe Im all wrong and just an old fart who doesn't understand joy. Oh well

And Im not saying #Jherekosucksdicks is any kind of an exceptional exception here

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