Rethinking the forums structure - Suggestions

sp4cetiger

Puncture Repair wrote:

sp4cetiger has put User Pick Of The Day on hold when perhaps we needed it the most.

Oh, stop it. This is exactly the sort of melodrama I need a break from. The forums thrived for years before I started UPotD and the disappearance of a single daily album thread is not going to mean the death of BEA as we know it. People here act as if we're all one big family, but family members don't disappear from your lives at the drop of a hat or think about you as a daily canned thread. BEA doesn't need you and it doesn't need me.

But you know who does need me? My son. My wife. My mother-in-law. They need me to not be sitting here thinking about the wording of a forum post when it's a beautiful sunny day and they're outside playing. They need me to not be preoccupied by the disappearance of a forum friend when they're coming to me with their own troubles. They need me to make sure that my hobby always takes a back seat to my family. I do care about each and every single one of you and I will be available by PM if you need help with UPotD or just want to talk. But my real life has to come first.

Anybody who has a problem with that should probably just keep it to themselves, cause I don't think the forums need any further drama.

benpaco

Who's gonna watch you die?

Age: 28

Location: Missouri

albummaster wrote:

The Lounge has now been re-opened. However, it will no longer be a place to talk about personal issues or to discuss other members. Those types of thread rarely end up a with positive outcome and detract from the focus of the site. Instead, please take those types of issues off-line, or away from the site.

May I ask, AM for the simple clarifications:

1 Do you see a difference between "personal issues" and more of an emergency situation? For example, I agree that a situation of "I'm pining over this girl" or something menial like that is probably best suited for other realms of the internet, but one of the unique things here is the support for people in more serious times - things like "I'm thinking about killing myself" or "My mom's cancer came back". Would you be OK with us still asking for support or at least discussing such issues?

2 Again I understand not discussing other members, but may I ask for clarification that jokes, as long as both sides think they're funny, be tolerated? I'm going to use a weird metaphor to explain what I mean, but in Dragon Age, you have 3 people follow you around at all times and banter amongst themselves. There's 3 types of dialogue that can occur: First is the plain hate. Fenris' racist remarks towards mages in the game have no place but to be mean, and I agree something like that shouldn't be allowed here. Second is a joke that only one person thinks is funny. Isabella sometimes mocks Merill, out of love, but Merill is deeply hurt. Other times it's a joke at some else's expense. These I understand not tolerating here any longer. However, the third type of banter, where buddies just give each other crap - when Anders and Isabella mock each other for being a "whore" or "demon", and they both recognize it's joking, and both get a laugh out of it, as they've been doing it for some time and are comfortable. Would this still be allowed? Things like Defago's joking about Jhereko, I blame benpaco, drako and tiger's relationship, etc?

Once again, thank you for listening to our opinions and making the decision you think is best for the site, as well as for communicating so well with all of us.
_________________

. . . 2016 . . . 2015 . . .

"While I'm alive, I'll make tiny changes to Earth" - Frightened Rabbit

Goodsir

You're the best, Ben. Really. Smile

Puncture Repair

sp4cetiger wrote:

Oh, stop it. This is exactly the sort of melodrama I need a break from. The forums thrived for years before I started UPotD and the disappearance of a single daily album thread is not going to mean the death of BEA as we know it. People here act as if we're all one big family, but family members don't disappear from your lives at the drop of a hat or think about you as a daily canned thread. BEA doesn't need you and it doesn't need me.

But you know who does need me? My son. My wife. My mother-in-law. They need me to not be sitting here thinking about the wording of a forum post when it's a beautiful sunny day and they're outside playing. They need me to not be preoccupied by the disappearance of a forum friend when they're coming to me with their own troubles. They need me to make sure that my hobby always takes a back seat to my family. I do care about each and every single one of you and I will be available by PM if you need help with UPotD or just want to talk. But my real life has to come first.

Anybody who has a problem with that should probably just keep it to themselves, cause I don't think the forums need any further drama.

I'm sorry for saying what I did, it was short-sighted of me.

I hope you'll believe me when I say that when I mentioned you putting UPotD on hold, it was really an attempt to say how great a thing it was for you to take your time to organise, but also I jumped to a conclusion that the suspension was a further attempt to boycott the site, which I realize now is entirely wrong.

Thinking about it now, it was an incredibly stupid thing for me to say. We don't deserve users like you, I realize that now, and I hope all is well in life beyond BEA.

sp4cetiger

Eh, my rant wasn't directed specifically at you, puncture. Hell, it was partly directed at me. We can all be friends and still realize that it's just an internet forum.

That's all, really. I appreciate the kind words, though. And no worries, things are going fine IRL, I'm just trying to keep it that way.

albummaster

Janitor

Gender: Male

Location: Spain

Site Admin

benpaco wrote:

May I ask, AM for the simple clarifications:

1 Do you see a difference between "personal issues" and more of an emergency situation? For example, I agree that a situation of "I'm pining over this girl" or something menial like that is probably best suited for other realms of the internet, but one of the unique things here is the support for people in more serious times - things like "I'm thinking about killing myself" or "My mom's cancer came back". Would you be OK with us still asking for support or at least discussing such issues?

No. People need professional help for these types of issues, not the type of help offered here.

benpaco wrote:

2 Again I understand not discussing other members, but may I ask for clarification that jokes, as long as both sides think they're funny, be tolerated?

Jokes are fine, so long as they are not about other members.

benpaco

Who's gonna watch you die?

Age: 28

Location: Missouri

albummaster wrote:

No. People need professional help for these types of issues, not the type of help offered here.

Jokes are fine, so long as they are not about other members.

Can't say I necessarily agree with either of these, but I'll respect them and at the very least turn to PM if I really feel the need to reach out to someone for that help (and I'd hope others feel the same). I'm more comfortable turning to y'all than I would be to a professional, but again, I respect your decision, AM, and will follow that.
_________________

. . . 2016 . . . 2015 . . .

"While I'm alive, I'll make tiny changes to Earth" - Frightened Rabbit