Hey, guys. I'm usually not one to whine to strangers on the internet, but I'm at a really difficult point in my life and I could use some advice.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 22 months now, and it's pretty serious. For example, we've been living together for the past two semesters. We were pretty much crazy about each other from the get-go, and while, like all couples, we would fight on occasion, we've pretty much always been really into each other.
Now, sort of out of the blue (I had an inkling something was up, but I wasn't sure what), she wanted to talk to me today, and she told me that she'd been thinking and that she thinks we might both be better off if we broke up. Needless to say, this was a bit of a shocker, but I of course heard her out.
Anyway, she didn't want to break up right away. Tomorrow morning she's leaving for a conference in New Orleans with the school newspaper staff and she returns Sunday afternoon. She said we could talk about it more then. She said that I could text her this weekend if I wanted to, but I think it would probably be best to give her some space, which means I'll be going about 5 days without seeing her or talking to her.
Anyway, I just don't know what to do. I'm crazy about her and am completely unprepared for this. Obviously I'll respect her decision whatever it may be, but this is the longest and most committed relationship I've ever been in, and the thought of losing her is genuinely killing me 🙁
So how do you guys deal with breakups? Or worse, potential impending breakups? What do you do to take your mind off of things? If you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it, and if not, thanks for lending a sympathetic ear. I need it right now.
Hey, guys. I'm usually not one to whine to strangers on the internet, but I'm at a really difficult point in my life and I could use some advice.
Nah, it's fine. People do that all of the time.
And if you really want to make it work with her, you just have to fight for it. If she thinks 'breaking up would be better for us', express your opinion and tell her that it isn't...
I hope it turns out well though swed 😕 I don't have much advice to give 🙁 But you have my support. _________________ Doubles & Conch
If she approached you like this, I have a hunch she's already made up her mind. The best you could do is ask if there's anything small you can change, like any habits annoying to her or better communication with her.
I would say just be honest, supportive, and let her know how crazy you are for her; act naturally. Do something that will show that when she gets back. And if that doesn't really work out, then it wasn't meant to happen. Hoping for the best for you man.
There's no good approach to this situation that I've ever found. Not to be overly pessimistic, but when a girl does this, it's usually already a done deal, at least in the short term. She may decide after a while that she preferred having you as a security blanket, but even if she does, you'll want to think long and hard about whether the relationship would really be stable enough for your liking.
For now, you could think about the many benefits of being single. You're still young and there's something to be said for freedom, even if it can be lonely sometimes. You never really know what the future holds.
Dropping that bomb on you and then leaving... a little harsh. 😨
You could try to talk it out with her if you think your relationship is worth fighting for... but if she's convinced, you don't want to try to win her back out of pity.
Nobody is any good to be in a relationship if they're not OK on their own. If this is truly a breakup, you could use it to be selfish, focusing on your own situation for awhile.
It's OK to be confused and hurt. Breakups suck. _________________ Finnegan was super bad-ass.
Just as long as you've been clear with her what your feelings about her are there's not much more you can do. You could possibly ask her if you guys could look it at it as a break rather than a break up so that you can both get the space needed but maybe that's not what is needed. People have broken up before and got back together - not saying that's what this is but if this is meant to be you need to let it happen organically and not force her to love you on your time. As Junodog said it might be a great chance to spend time on yourself rather than losing yourself in her. I haven't been in a relationship for that long so I can't even imagine what you're going through but we are all here for you if you need us and as always music is your friend where you can find comfort and understanding.
Honestly, I'd say the best thing you can do is tell her how you feel, be completely honest with her, but also kind. Tell her that ultimately you want her to be happy (which I assume you do) and that you'll respect her decision, whatever it is. Also, if she does decide to end it, make it clean, don't drag it out or make it messy, it's just not worth it.
As for dealing with a breakup like that, there are few things that help. Alcohol is one thing, but running consistently running to it as a vice isn't good. Go out with some friends, or just one friend, a close one. Try and do something to take your mind off of it, your friends will want to support you and you'll need that support. When you're not with friends, try to keep yourself busy. Watch a movie/tv show, do some work, pick up a hobby or, if you already have one, do that hobby. It's just best to keep your mind busy. Over time, it'll eventually get better, especially after the first couple days.
Sucks that you're having to go through it, I wish you the best of luck. _________________ Progressive Rock
So how do you guys deal with breakups? Or worse, potential impending breakups? What do you do to take your mind off of things? If you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it, and if not, thanks for lending a sympathetic ear. I need it right now.
A few thoughts. I'm a specialist at being dumped after long relationships (well, happened to me twice).
1. Pardon me for saying so, but I definitely think her mind is made up. I know it's tough, but it does sound this way.
2. There is no way to deal with breakups. Purple's way is not the worst, whatever you may think about it. Once you've made a pathetic fool of yourself in public while stoned once or twice, it'll be easier to move on.
3. Sorry to be a bit blunt, but the best way to cope I have found was to fuck a lot. Date girls, fuck the pain away, have affairs, however sorry they might be. The best way to, let's not say forget, but get over the loss of a girl, is another girl. I know it's pretty hard to listen to at this point, since you're in the stage where you're not even sure you're breaking up (and who knows? Maybe she'll come back), but if it ever happens, try, as much as you vcan (very difficult) to go with the 'fuck it!' position.
Sorry I can't help more, I'm with you in those rough times. It's hard I know.
A few thoughts. I'm a specialist at being dumped after long relationships (well, happened to me twice).
1. Pardon me for saying so, but I definitely think her mind is made up. I know it's tough, but it does sound this way.
Sorry, but this. I imagine it wasn't easy for her to bring this up in the first place. She probably thought long and hard about this before coming to you so yea, she probably has her mind made up.
But yea I definitely like Norman's advice. Fuck a lot and only then will you realize that there are actually plenty more fish in the sea. _________________
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
