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drakonium

coucou

Location: More than one

Oh wow. Family and health, the two most important things in life. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you and your family Norman. Can't really add anything, I just hope things get better obviously. Still under the shock. Please keep us informed if things do get better.

HigherThanTheSun

Gender: Male

Age: 34

Location: UK

Jackwc wrote:

I have a terrible relationship with my mother, who was, growing up, more interested in making me presentable than happy. She's never totally accepted my lifestyle or open sexuality.

I get around pretty often. I've been trying to stop letting people use me physically because I do it less out of enjoyment and more because I seek validation for myself. I've ruined a lot of friendships and relationships by not having a lot of sexual self-control. I also make new friends very easily, so I never really seem to put in the effort to fix broken friendships and sort of just let them sink, which I'm only now in my life beginning to regret.

I've come to really assess who I care about in my life, and though I have many friends I have few I truly care about, as a lot of my acquaintances are kinda just "big phonies" who only really associate themselves with me because I seem like this fun, reckless party animal. There's this friend I really care about, let's call her Jean, who a few days before New Year's I drunkenly confessed my love to, which made her break down and cry. Not the optimal reaction. She also believes she's in the process of coming out as either asexual or a lesbian. She wants to start erecting personal barriers in our relationship that I feel will only force us to grow apart. And for the first time in my life I'm afraid of losing a friend.

I think we're like the opposite. Not that I struggle to make friends, just that it takes me a long time to be properly close to people, so I value my close friends a ridiculous amount and I feel like I'd be completely lost without them. The idea of moving to a new city or something, and having to start from scratch, is horrible to me.

You don't need to consciously try hard to maintain friendships, just that if you can sense distance growing between you and someone you like, and it doesn't feel great, make sure you see them or even just fb chat or something, just stay in touch, it shouldn't feel like a chore because you like them. As long as the friendship was genuine to begin with it, it shouldn't be hard to keep it going if you want it to.

For the phonies part, you don't want to be the guy with an entourage, there's a big difference between friends and fans, wanting to spend time with someone is different to wanting to be friends with them. Find the people who'd just as rather watch a film or play fifa with you or whatever as they would get fucked at a party with you, and those are the people who actually value you as a friend, fuck the rest tbh.

@Norman, that sounds terrible, I hope you can find the problem and your kid gets better soon Smile

drakonium wrote:

...and HTTS, you're gay? Shocked

Of course

I've posted pictures here of guys I like before, ha. Never actually said it explicitly though, but honestly I've pretty much only got to a point in my life where I'm comfortable to talk about it without feeling awkward, especially irl. It's dumb since I'm 22 already ffs, just that it took me way too long to actually be ok with it in the first place.

Used to hate it when I was younger, and get down about it all the time and cry in my room and wish I liked girls, and think I could never be happy, things like this. Now when I think back I feel stupid, and I regret it so much how I used to feel, because there was no need. It's fine though, I don't mind it at all now, and I feel maybe the happiest I ever have, since I was a kid at least, so it's all good. Didn't really need to post this but I sort of wanted to, at least explains why I rage when people post here about it being a choice and stuff, which just takes the piss tbh.
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Shut up mate you're boring!

CellarDoor

Shoe-Punk Loner

Gender: Male

Age: 40

Location: Marseille

@Norman I'm sorry to hear of your son's condition. I really wouldn't want to give any kind of cybermedical advice, especially in a field of work so different from mine.
I've had to cope with severe medical conditions in my own family over the last few years, and I think it's even more difficult when you have the knowledge of all the horrible possibilities hiding behind a given symptom.
Anyhow, you should feel free to ask the pediatrician as many questions as you want, and keep a written note on the evolution of the situation (temperature graph maybe, new symptoms, duration etc..) to help the clinicians in their investigation.
I hope it all works out for your son and your family.
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I'll be your plastic toy.

ShaneSpear

Thread Killah

Moderator

HigherThanTheSun wrote:

Of course

I've posted pictures here of guys I like before, ha.

This place is a bad litmus test, because I'm sure we've all posted our hottest guy at some point.

Antonio-Pedro

Subspace Highway Traveler

Gender: Male

Age: 25

Location: Rain forest Kingdom

I would like to say something:
I never was a good person trying to express my feelings. This may sounds very cliche
But i will try.
This thread is now a beautiful sunset seen from a pretty beach
We are all sharing positivity
There so many problems and sad historys happening there
i know that because i have many problems too
but with our Good energy we can at least reduce these problems
Life is very mean, But life can surprise you with good things.
Great part of our souls wish the best for everybody. I can feel that
and this wish will across the world until it hits you
I am feeling very Happy and i hope that you all feel happy too
We hope that all your problems dissapear
That way the harmony will reign

EDIT:
this may look like a stupid thing
maybe because you are all adults and i am just a child playing in the playground
But that is the way that i want to share my Love
i really like you guys
Maybe i love ,but i don't know
I should stop talking about myself
You are the main actors
you make this comunity happens
you are here all day being funny and playing
making our day happier
That's why you can't be down
you are the heart and soul of this comunity
and that's why we have to let you positive.

Thanks!
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Top 100 Hits you must hear before the u... of beauty

Last edited by Antonio-Pedro on 01/30/2014 01:04; edited 1 time in total

Wombi

Antonio needs to get a job at a Japanese greeting card company.

Guest

Jhereko wrote:

Antonio needs to get a job at a Japanese greeting card company.

His English is oddly poetic, I rather like it.

benpaco

Who's gonna watch you die?

Age: 28

Location: Missouri

Jackwc wrote:

I get around pretty often. I've been trying to stop letting people use me physically because I do it less out of enjoyment and more because I seek validation for myself. I've ruined a lot of friendships and relationships by not having a lot of sexual self-control. I also make new friends very easily, so I never really seem to put in the effort to fix broken friendships and sort of just let them sink, which I'm only now in my life beginning to regret.

I've come to really assess who I care about in my life, and though I have many friends I have few I truly care about, as a lot of my acquaintances are kinda just "big phonies" who only really associate themselves with me because I seem like this fun, reckless party animal. There's this friend I really care about, let's call her Jean, who a few days before New Year's I drunkenly confessed my love to, which made her break down and cry. Not the optimal reaction. She also believes she's in the process of coming out as either asexual or a lesbian. She wants to start erecting personal barriers in our relationship that I feel will only force us to grow apart. And for the first time in my life I'm afraid of losing a friend.

OK, I'm just a 16 year old who thinks he knows a thing or two about this. Remember that before you take any advice I may give. But first off, I know a lot of what you're going through, and I know how much it sucks. Dividesbyzero gave some of the best advice I've ever seen but nmissed a few things I thought I'd like to add.

I know what you're going through, in a weird way, with getting used. One of my only close friends is really self-conscious sometimes and feels the same way as me - like we're stuck and boring. So I let her use me, we do things over Skype and sometimes even in person that I'd NEVER do with anyone else. And it's not that she's not attractive or anything, it's just I know I only do it because I want her to feel better about herself, because I think it'll make her happy. And I'm comfortable with it all so I just let that slip and she gets a quick joy out of it but it's led to a LOT more drama in our tiny little friendgroup. I don't really know what to tell you outside of that sucks, but I know where you're coming from.

As to the losing your friends, I have a similar fear. Rather than letting my friendships sink, my friends leave me. Consistently, that's been the case, they just grow tired of me and leave. Only in two cases has that not happened (yet at least) and I'm happy to know that they are my two closest friends. That said, the fear resides that they'll leave me like all my other close friends have in the past, and I'll be all alone again. It's a lot harder when you can't make friends so easily as you can, when one isn't as charismatic as you, Jack. Divides is right, barriers that get put up usually get taken down someday, especially if you mean a lot to them. But there's more to it, as well, I think.

For me at least, there's this girl. Let's call her C. C's had a boyfriend for about a year and a half. C's one of my only close friends, and we only got close after she already had her boyfriend. Well, when a guy gets close enough with a girl, it's only a matter of time until there are at least some feelings there ... unfortunately, she found out via a gossip chain at a party I wasn't there for. C, her boyfriend, the girl that told her, my other close friend, and several others I don't know well all found out at that party. I was out of state and came back to the hotel with the fb message waiting for me that we can't be friends anymore unless I promise not to make a move, and how she still loves her boyfriend, and how I shouldn't tell her how I feel. Similarly to your situation, her finding out was somewhat out of my control.

Anyhow, things sucked for a while. A barrier was definitely there and even when we hung out, I could feel the weird. I got quieter around her, especially in person. And the thing I found was best to break down the barrier, at least when it's a barrier caused by feelings, is to act like nothing happened. Stay her friend, don't change. Be the same person, show her that having feelings for her won't screw up the friendship, won't change who you are.

Me and C are now as close as ever and I've at least mostly moved on (IDK if it's ever possible to fully move on, but you know, I've made a lot of progress). She and her boyfriend are still happy and together. It all worked out. But I know now that I was acting different to protect her. I could feel urges to say things, to do things I'd regret. So I got quiet. By just being me, she got comfortable again. me trying to make her comfortable made it worse. Can't say it'd be the same, again, I'm 16 and you're 20-odd, it's a different world, that's just my two cents.
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. . . 2016 . . . 2015 . . .

"While I'm alive, I'll make tiny changes to Earth" - Frightened Rabbit

Wombi

On a more positive note from me this thread really has turned into something fantastic. Not least of all because it adds dimensions to people I may have previously only known on a level of favourite artist/favourite band etc.

I might talk more about what I'm going through later but just want to say @Norman my thoughts are with you - I can't imagine how stressful that is. I think spacetiger makes a really good point about the positive of these horrendous ordeals being that they can strengthen us.

@drakonium I think it might be a good idea to talk to your therapist about your gender identity - even if you think you're happy with stamping it out, it is the sort of thing that could come back and haunt you years from now. Again I can't begin to imagine what it's like but I'm so sorry you've had to deal with a society that can't deal with people really being themself.

Also would love to hear from the OP and what they're going through IRL.

benpaco

Who's gonna watch you die?

Age: 28

Location: Missouri

Norman Bates wrote:

Anyway, so fucking worried right now. The kid's been ill for a month and a half. Started before Christmas with otitis. This degenerated into harder otitis, and then external otitis. Then he got caught with the flu. He got over all this, went back to school on Monday, came back with a fever. Today I was working in class when the head came to me fopr an aside, I immediately left: my partner had taken the little boy to the emergency service of the kids hospital. Fever had gone up again, doctors said to take him there. Everybody's at a loss apparently: his ear aches again but he's got no otitis, fever's coming and going for no visible reason. We're at one doctor's or other every other day, goiing back tomorrow to a pediatric doctor. I miss work on a regular basis, they'll end up not paying me the days I keep my boy home because of fever. He's now resting and hot as hell, was over 40 2 hours ago.

We're very worried. Nobody has a clue. He's always ill, he hardly even goes to school anymore. Doesn't sleep, doesn't eat much, has lost half a kilogram in the last few days. It's been going on for a month.

What the fuck is happening.

OK, man, let me start by saying I feel your pain.

When I was in third grade, my best friend developed a heart condition and spent most of the year in and out of the hospital. With that, at least they could put their finger on what it was.

In 6-8th grades, a different friend developed severe stomach pains and missed almost all of 6th and 7th grade as a result. No one knew what was happening despite radioactive tests and constant trips to the hospital. Eventually (after 2 years of testing) it came out that he has Eosinophilic esophagitis, an esophagus condition that causes some severe problems due to food allergies. The only food he could eat for some time was quinoa, and now he is fed through a tube, though he's happy and living a very normal life really, goes to school, etc.

Now my brother has been having severe stomach problems for the past 3 years. He missed about half of his 7th grade year to it. Eventually (after two years), it was diagnosed as abdominal migraines, a treatable condition that basically just means he can't be in too loud a place. But now, he's stopped gaining weight and is getting sick frequently, so doctors are starting to question if what he has is worse than that. He's starting a new higher fat, higher calorie diet in hopes that he's just eating too healthy, but it looks like it could be more serious, maybe even thyroid issues.

The point is, I know how that feels from a friend/brother's point of view, and I couldn't imagine it from a father's eyes. That said, of all these people who have had these things, everyone I've known goes through pain but comes out stronger for it, and are still happy and normal people. My brother's doing alright now, that first friend is incredible at sports, and my other friend is one of the popular kids at his high school. As much as things suck right I know, people can grow, even from a young age, from these hard times. I wish you all the luck and support in the world and hope that your experience can be like those, or preferably even that there is an easier cure for whatever ailment he may have. Best wishes.
_________________

. . . 2016 . . . 2015 . . .

"While I'm alive, I'll make tiny changes to Earth" - Frightened Rabbit