About a year ago, maybe more, I started to grow less and less interested in music. I thought it was a temporary result of the end of a music-centric relationship, but it persisted. At its peak I could pretty much only listen to The National. If I really force myself, I can get into other stuff, but it often feels like more trouble than its worth. Recently I had found that my interest in film, too, had begun to wane. Socialization - partying, concerts, hitting bars/clubs, events - which had been my lifeblood, one day about a week ago suddenly took upon the same numb association. Every time I went out I felt this cavernous hole inside, felt this great anxiety like I knew no one and had nowhere to go. Sex went next. The last time I was in carnal embrace I just remember spending the whole time wishing it would end; I couldn't feel anything, nothing aroused me, I felt no response, no desire to look at my lover's face. And today I woke up and found I could feel barely anything at all. Not just emotionally, but almost physically, like a floating head above a tired, weary vessel.
I think my moving in September is related. In the end Toronto is, to a degree, "all I've ever known", and so I guess leaving it is to me a sort "end of the world".
A buddy of mine and myself are gonna smoke some DMT this weekend in hopes to confront it.
(I know this thread goes against that whole new rule or w/e but honestly idgaf) _________________ A dick that's bigger than the sun.
You might be scared of it, but I think the change will be good for you Jack.
I've been suffering from depression on and off for the better part of decade, and I've tried to starve it by giving myself so many pointless hobbies just to literally kill time to get to the next event I have to do so I can start killing useless time again. Which has never really worked (but never stopped me from trying.)
Almost everything you said pretty much rings true to me. The best thing you can probably do is when you get situation see somebody you can talk to. Doctors and trained therapists are so much better than friends because they won't tell you what you need to hear or dance around it for fear of upsetting you. Most of my bad times recently have come from either being too stubborn to keep talking or when I decide to self-medicate (which almost never works - I've tried nearly every route.)
On a lighter side, I can totally see why you enjoy Synecdoche NY so much now (me too.)
Do some isolation tank sessions and get lots of exercise. Helped me through some rough times _________________ Alt Right meme game on point
I FEEL DISCRIMINATED AGAINST AS A PERSON OF JUDGEMENT.
Listen, this thread may well get closed, so I'm glad I saw this when I did. Jack, I understand completely where you're coming from, and as stupid as this is gonna sound, my honest advice would just be to hold in there until the move. I've had the same problem of late, you might remember from outlaw's "what makes you happy?" question, and what's helped has been taking this tour with friends and ignoring the friends completely. I've realized that what I've done is tied myself too closely to people who really don't care about me. My family as well, to an extent. What I really need is a clean slate, and being off continent with mostly strangers has been exactly that, and, for the first time in months, I find myself smiling, laughing, maybe even happy. I don't know that I am, and I go back home soon enough, but I honestly think that the move'll help you.
If you ever need to vent or anything, my PM box is always open, I still owe you for saving my ass from a sad life of wallowing, the path I was heading down. _________________
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