if it was TL;DR it basically says that 100% of comedians have to deal with a true darker side to themselves that they feel never goes away (The Chris Farley bit was especially hard to read). 100%. I would extend that to not just comedians but every single human being in existence.
It is part of the human experience that we have to experience pain. It's just part of life. What shouldn't be part of life is the denial of that pain.
I remember being at a party and looking at everyone and knowing how much pain they were in - and yet they couldn't talk about it. All they could do was just drink themselves into a state where they forgot everything and talk about the most superficial crap.
I know many users on here who are some of the funniest, kindest, happiest people I know and I've talked to them outside of the forums and they've been unhappy with their life at times or they're unhappy with themself. Multiple people. It affects 100% of people.
We all know people in our life where it's obvious and yet they still don't get any help (my grandfather who is 85 will go to his grave perpetually unhappy). People seek out that happiness in money, fame, things, people - and still not able to find it.
1 in 6 people are diagnosed with depression. And that's diagnosed depression and that's only of people who are actually willing to go and get diagnosed which is a tiny amount.
900, 000 people commit suicide every year. That's a higher statistic than armed global conflicts and a higher statistic than traffic accidents. And yet we still try to turn a blind eye.
Denial doesn't make you happier, it just bottles it up until one day it's too much. Complete full awareness and acceptance of that side of yourself and the fact that, yes, life does have pain and that's okay - that is truth.
We live in a society of condemnation. As a capitalist society we are encouraged to condemn ourselves when we don't have this - or we don't have that. Be it things - car, house etc. achievements - job, degree etc. or people - partner, children etc. We have never been told the truth which we all know - WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH. That simple realisation...is so freeing. The passing of Robin Williams should be a brutal reminder to everyone that all the money, fame and love from others in the world isn't going to change the fact that if we don't accept ourselves - where we are right now, not some idea of who we're going to be or who we want to be but who we are right now - we will never know true happiness.
Would you tell a child that they're not good enough? or a starving person in India? No. You know that their worth is no less than your own so why would you compare your own worth to anyone's? Our society needs to start building itself on a foundation of forgiveness and compassion not condemnation and comparison as it is now.
I was diagnosed with depression a little over a year ago and I am a very lucky individual to be able to say I am a very happy man now. Not everyone gets to say that in their lifetime. I am a very happy man who loves and respects himself immensely and does not need anything to be happy because that love and joy comes from within. And that can never be taken from me (my story is a bit long and tangential for this so I'll leave it there). But the one thing that still saddens me is seeing other people who are upset and don't know how to open up about it because we keep telling ourselves that we're okay and to put on a brave face. And the hilarious thing is - we all know that's not true. Robin Williams is one of hundreds of thousands every year. It took someone so seemingly full of life and love to be taken away for us to sit up and take notice.
The myth about depression is this: it is not an 'us vs them' thing. These are human beings - they aren't 'depressed people'. They're just people. And everyone has to deal with the same questions - why am I here? where am I going? am I even worth anything? And putting your head in the sand isn't going to change those facts. All the money in your bank account isn't going to change that fact.
It's the whole reason we listen to music. It's why so many musicians seemed so tortured - they're more honest than most. To try and understand the so called 'pain of existence'.
Be honest - at least with the ones you love and trust. Tell them where you're at (in as calm a way as you are capable of). See a therapist - I think it's beneficial for every single person. Just talking about all those thoughts you're letting ferment up in your head suddenly makes them managable and often you realise they're just silly. But most of all - be honest with yourself and aware of your thoughts...it's a huge step.
Just to end with - here's a list of people who have been diagnosed with a depressive disorder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_pe...e_disorder It's in all of us - let's stop being dickheads about it. We're all scared, and you know what? That's fucking okay. We can work it out.
That said, I think everything he just said is entirely worth reading.
If I may give a slightly different perspective, I'm someone who's struggled finding any real happiness or acceptance since I was very, very young. In kindergarten, I decided I'd run away to North Carolina (the farthest place from home I knew of that had a college) and go live outside of Duke. I decided I'd live in the woods by Duke like the kid from My Side of the Mountain, and they'd be so impressed they'd accept me, and if I couldn't survive out there, I didn't deserve it anyways. It was my fantasy for years to run as far away as possible to leave my family and what I perceived as my problems behind.
By now, of course, I know that isn't happening. I can't just run away, I can't just live in the woods, hell, I don't think there are dense woods surrounding Duke, and I sure couldn't get accepted to it. And yet my problems around here have continued. I still don't feel safe or at home here. I can't say my family life is hell, but I can't say it's necessarily healthy either. I've had huge trust issues my entire life, worsened by the suicide of the first friend I made in middle school. She and I had strayed but had stayed a little in contact, and I never picked up on anything being wrong. I can't say I blamed myself entirely, but I did somehow, some piece of me, and I've tried to isolate myself from others as much as possible.
For about 2 and a half years I'd've considered myself fully depressed. My mind was not a place I liked spending any time, and I couldn't find happiness doing anything I'd once enjoyed. I still tried to come off as bubbly to others, but inside I felt empty and wanted to die. No one picked up on it for a very, very long time. In fact, most people didn't know until after the fact, and many don't know now. I'd find excuses not to go out, or not to meet new people, because I just felt entirely worthless.
I can't say I ever tried therapy, nor can I say that's ever interested me. I called a hotline once after a friend of mine finally picked up on something, and I can't say that began to help. What finally did help me was a cocktail of things, though I'd say mostly it was being able to finally open up to friends and internet strangers about my life.
Between opening up to my best friend about how I was feeling and making a new very close friend and being able to open up to her, I was finally able to begin enjoying things again. My wall was still up socially, but I took up playing music again, and I was able to laugh again. Eventually I was able to see myself happy, not now, but someday. It was Rubber Soul, Nerdcubed, and a variety of movies that made me smile again and realize stuff was still worth working towards. Really it was February 17 that saved me, I met someone who was able to break my wall down and just decided that night "Eh, screw it. There's still awesome people out there."
Are things better now? Yeah. Are they good now? NO. No no no. I can't say I'm happy with my life as it is, I still hate where I live. But because I've been able to open up to others, my wall is coming down, and I can feel things improving. The swedes and Jack both have specifically hugely helped me with a variety of mental problems I've been having, and just being able to talk on the site has helped me become more social. I've improved to the point where a couple weeks ago the wall came completely down for someone, I just started a conversation and finally opened up right away. Has it stayed up? No, I met 16 other people I was barely able to hold a conversation with, I'm still nervous and in a shell in a lot of ways. But that person I was able to open up to has seriously been able to help me come to terms with a lot of things that were still bothering me, and while she and I aren't the CLOSEST in the world, she is one of the BEST friends I've ever made.
I guess what I'm saying is this: being honest with yourself is a good start, and therapy works for some people, but in the end, for me, what's helped the most is being able to open up to ANYONE. Trained professional, best friend, person on the streets, or stranger on the internet, it helps to talk. It's not a cure, but damn is it a help.
If anyone ever needs to talk, know that I'm here for you, whether we've talked before or not. _________________
Jhereko's words here say much more than the linked article.
I don't feel comfortable saying too much here (I've always felt like I've sat outside the "in" club on BEA, not that that's a bad thing). I just want to throw in my two cents. I apologise in advance, this is difficult to put into words:
I've had a lot of pain in my life. I find joy a lot, but sorrow always seems to be there as a backdrop. I've probably spent most of my life depressed since my middle school years. It used to be angsty, I used to blame the rest of the world, my family, God, etc. and wallow in self-pity. Now I blame myself. I guess it's still self-pity, but now I just think I'm pathetic.
But the thing is, I don't think I'd ever kill myself. And I think people see that in me. And because of that I don't think they worry about me often. I've found time and time again that the people closest to me have been totally blind to it all, thinking I was just a care-free guy. I don't blame them though. I really think I'm just meant to be stuck in a perpetual discontent.
I guess my point is that if you have a loved one in a position similar to mine, don't wait for the possibility of suicide to intervene. They might never reach that point. Depression can ruin a life without ever risking the life itself. It can shut you down. It's not just the suicidal ones that need help. _________________ kill yr idols
I don't like what you have wrote for so many reasons Jhereko but if that is how you feel then you say that. I'd rather not get into an argument still... I vehemently disagree with a few things up there.
I don't like what you have wrote for so many reasons Jhereko but if that is how you feel then you say that. I'd rather not get into an argument still... I vehemently disagree with a few things up there.
I'd actually be really interested in hearing what you disagreed with, and what your take on this is. I think it's healthy to have a discussion about this, especially considering it's something so many people on the forum have gone through, and I have faith in BEA that we could have conflicting viewpoints in this thread without it turning into an argument. I don't want to put any pressure on you to talk about it if it's something that makes you uncomfortable, but I'd love to hear what you have to say on the issue.
Anyway, all fantastic posts so far. Not much I can really add without recounting my own (frankly pretty boring) experiences, but I feel pretty happy with where I'm at right now and have down for a number of years. It's cool that people are so willing to open up about something that is such a huge problem for so many people, and there's been a lot to enjoy admire written so far in the thread. _________________ 2021 in full effect. Come drop me some recs. Y'all know what I like.
Yeah I'm curious about what outlaw's talking about too. I don't think anyone's here to pick a fight if you want to start a two-sided discussion. _________________ kill yr idols
I don't like what you have wrote for so many reasons Jhereko but if that is how you feel then you say that. I'd rather not get into an argument still... I vehemently disagree with a few things up there.
Yes, I'd love to hear you elaborate on this. Particularly because of the many times on here you've stated you've been scared to reveal certain things about yourself etc.
(I've always felt like I've sat outside the "in" club on BEA
I think most if not all people here consider you and your penis part of the inner circle.
Quote:
It's not just the suicidal ones that need help.
This is a really good point. Living with depression to a natural grave is perhaps a worse fate than killing yourself. And I'd encourage you (and absolutely everyone actually) to at least try meditation because it's the single biggest factor in what got me to the place I am now (from telling myself I was a useless piece of sh!t on a daily basis to loving every part of myself).
I wrote up a whole reply thinking you said "try medication." I'm glad I reread your post before I sent it and embarrassed myself.
While I have tried (and enjoyed) meditating, I eventually came to realise it probably wasn't best for me. Clearing my mind is exceptionally difficult. I have ADD and my thoughts go at about a million miles per hour. I've tried focusing on breathing but that only ends up making me uncomfortable and paranoid (I have weak lungs from medical conditions/surgeries). I've also tried repeating a phrase but that doesn't hypnotize me all too easily. I do recommend meditation to friends who are lost in their own troubles though. _________________ kill yr idols
I wrote up a whole reply thinking you said "try medication." I'm glad I reread your post before I sent it and embarrassed myself.
While I have tried (and enjoyed) meditating, I eventually came to realise it probably wasn't best for me. Clearing my mind is exceptionally difficult. I have ADD and my thoughts go at about a million miles per hour. I've tried focusing on breathing but that only ends up making me uncomfortable and paranoid (I have weak lungs from medical conditions/surgeries). I've also tried repeating a phrase but that doesn't hypnotize me all too easily. I do recommend meditation to friends who are lost in their own troubles though.
I just want to encourage you to not give up on meditation even though you've obviously already given it what would seem to be a fair trial. Meditation is extremely difficult for everyone. Although it varies from person to person, it is not uncommon for it to take even years to develop a good practice. Paradoxically, it's precisely because your "thoughts go at about a million miles per hour" that meditation would be incredibly helpful to you. I cannot think of anything else besides exercise that would be helpful for that situation and considering your weak lungs I don't know how vigorous your exercise can be ( although I still strongly encourage daily exercise in even my most debilitated patients (I'm a neurologist who specializes in neurorehabilitation).)
AlexZangari wrote:
I've tried focusing on breathing but that only ends up making me uncomfortable and paranoid (I have weak lungs from medical conditions/surgeries).
This experience is also quite common for many of my patients starting meditation. Again, paradoxically, with time meditation can become your best ally for dealing with these feelings and dealing with the scariness of finding it difficult to breath. It's a crazy sensation that I know myself all to well. Meditation has become my biggest ally with dealing with my own severe medical conditions (which I am not going to get into here).
I'm simply encouraging you not to give up on it since I've seen all the wonders it can do as Jhereko mentioned. It can really be an amazing ally and make you more comfortable and at peace with both yourself and your medical condition.
Here are two awesome books on it that I Highly Recommend to everyone...
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