Why Living Music Albums Will Be a Bad Idea.

[Kiki]

Basically this thread is for why I think living music albums will be a bad idea. I have mostly been thinking about physical living music albums rather than computer file living music albums as the latter will be robots anyway. I might touch on them or I might not in this post. Anyway here are the reasons I think living music albums will be a bad idea:

1. They are a product
This is the biggest reason. Music albums (such as CDs, Cassettes, Vinyl) are first and foremost a product. You can say all you want about how some music album saved your life, how much it means or how historically important it is... at the end of the day the physical form functions as a product. Like a toaster, fridge, can of paint, it is an object you purchase for money. Sure you are more likely to find meaning in a music album than any of the things I just mentioned but if you were to make a living music album why stop there? What is stopping living toasters? You want to know? Because no one wants a living toaster! It would be irresponsible to create such a thing! We can not create living music albums just because they mean more to us than the toaster. If this reason is not enough to convince you living music albums are a bad idea, allow to me to go through the problems they cause once they are created.

2. They have no arms and legs
Or eyes, nose, or mouths as well. I mean it would be a terrible thing to say someone missing those should not be kept alive. However with music albums, they are not alive in first place. By making them living beings and then deliberately depriving them of those is engaging in right proper scientific cruelty. It's called playing God and is frowned upon outside of the mad scientist community. If living music albums are to be a thing they must be given arms and legs to at least be morally viable. This leads on to the next problem...

3. They will be a nuisance
So you have the moral high ground and have given the living music albums all the parts you have. Now depending on the size of your living music album collection you currently have a few hundred, if not over one thousand, music albums running around your house and trashing the place. They are likely not to have very large attention spans and would be prone to moving from where you last left them. Also they are very likely not to know how to read or write. This means you will have to kiss goodbye to having your albums shelved in alphabetical order ever again as they will always be moving while you are not looking and wouldn't have a clue how to arrange themselves in order before you get back. Coupled with the ludicrous property damage they will be doing through their lack of awareness, they will be a major nuisance if you plan to host a dinner party in near future.

4. They will be difficult to contain
Moving away from home life for a second, how will the shops contain them? I mean stores are where almost all physical music albums come from. There will be thousands of them in the big stores and hundreds in even the smaller record stores. They will need crowd control of the highest order. Sure they will be happy when they first come as they will be placed beside several albums who are identical to them. This initial comradeship will not contain their desire to wander around and they will soon be checking out the other stock, perhaps even attempting to break out of the shop. They will have to put cages with electrified wiring over all the music albums. People will have to go to the staff members and ask them to unlock a cage whenever they want to purchase or even look at an album. Pretty soon people are going to miss the convenience of non living music albums. Also you have to consider how only the top stores can afford these defensive measures. Little privately owned record stores are not going to have the money lying around to afford such costs. They will have no way to contain them other than hitting them with a very large stick whenever they misbehave.

5. They will form a food chain
One thing which has not been addressed yet is the different formats music albums have. If your going to make living music albums they too will come in different formats. This will lead to problems. Lets say you like the idea of these living music albums and purchase some. You choose 'Dog Man Star' and 'This is Hardcore' on vinyl and 'Odelay' on CD. When you get home you place them on your desk and go into the kitchen to pour a glass of Sunny Delight because goddammit the 90s didn't end for you. I mean you probably know where they still sell boxes of Astros. Anyway, you come back to where you left them and find Odelay in the process of being eaten by two very bloated music albums. This is an inevitable problem which comes with living music albums. Vinyl records will be the strongest and will do as they please to the other formats. CDs will be numerous although there will likely be divisions between them too. Deluxe Edition albums are likely to be the dominant ones in a group of CDs and while the box sets may have the strength to knock em out should they so wish, they are likely easily fooled and Deluxe Edition albums will probably use them as a brute to keep the single disc albums in line. Cassette albums will be below CD albums and very likely food for those shiny things. Mini Discs will be lower still and would very likely be hunted to extinction outside of Japan. There will be mass inequality amongst living music albums unless their behaviour is kept in check.

6. They may be influenced by the music they play
The actual music they play when used for what they were intended for originally may affect their personality. I mean instrumental albums won't care about what they play, it's all a fun spin on the merry go round for them when they're on. Albums with lyrics though... they may start to listen carefully. While Indie albums will do nothing of interest and probably just feel smug about themselves, classic rock albums for example are going to be wild. They are going to break into the liqueur cabinet and get wasted. Your TV is going out the window and the CDs and Vinyls alike are going to be in the bath together doing all sorts of drugs. I can see how a cassette tape could do heroin but I can't see how a CD or vinyl could. They are very likely to get frustrated they can't emulate the people they play (who are sometimes on their covers) and could even break themselves trying too hard to attempt it. But this is nothing compared to the Death Metal albums. Imagine coming hope to find your Emperor and Immortal albums tearing your C86 cassette tape apart, its thin black entrails strung out and wrapped around another of its brethren which was almost snapped in half earlier. Sure you know not to go out and kill people when you hear the music... these impressionable small wonders won't.

7. They will be your responsibility
It is kind of a strange point to make yet it must be said. All who would buy a living music album will have to be responsible for it. It will be bad idea as some people may end up purchasing thousands of them. What are the albums going to do when their owner isn't around? It's not like they will have hobbies besides playing themselves and they are not going to hold down a job. Imagine having to take care of them all! It is be maddening to think about. I bet almost every person who owns more than one hundred physical music albums could not name everyone of them they own off the top of their head. How would they know if one is missing? Who has time to check on all of them?

All in all, I see no point for living music albums coming into existance. If in the near future they try to make music albums into living things they should be stopped immediately. It's a bad idea and you will have to try very hard to convince me otherwise. What do you think?

[HazeyTwilight]

This thread has now made me interested in studying Biomusicology.
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[Tap]

Damn, living music album supporters just got rekt. Which is to say supporters of living music albums, and not living supporters of music albums.

But I will say that as bad as this sounds, I still prefer it to music computer files living inside my computer. I'm getting really tired of coming home from work to find my Blink 182 mp3s have gone through all my porn and really made a mess of things, and I straight up had to delete all my Ted Nugents because they kept posting rly messed up stuff on reddit.

[JMan]

[Gigantic]

[Decurso]

Apply this line of thought to movies, books, etc and you will get the same answer. People are attached to physical things...even when they no longer serve a purpose.

I move a LOT. I have no use for CDS, books or DVDS. It is just dead weight that fits comfortably on a USB drive.

My point is...if what you are after is the experience...then the experience should be enough for you. If you actually need to own a physical copy of the movie/book/album....you are quite possibly trying to fill a need.

Having a thousand records does not make you more music savvy than the guy who owns zero records and has a twenty g ig music library.

[Gigantic]

[Pavement415]

I would love a graphic novel based on this.


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"Everyone knows the moon's made of cheese."

-Wallace

[HoldenM]

FUCK YOU!!! LIVING MUSIC FOREVER!!!!!!!!!

9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB!!!!
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Inversion Verses
https://thesplitinfinitives1.bandcamp.c...ion-verses

[Norman Bates]

Splendid, Kiki.