Top 10 2018 albums in bar fights

[LebowskiRams]

My 10 favorite albums of the year organized by how effective they would be in helping you in a bar fight:

Scenario: two drunk buff dudes try showing off to women by picking a fight with you and this album.

1. Jeff Rosenstock - POST - Calmly talks to the attackers, delving into their mind as to why they feel the need to prove their masculinity. Eventually, they realize a woman whose love and loyalty requires violence is not merely a woman to not be around, but a very disgusting human being. Analysis: VERY EFFECTIVE at not only leaving the situation unscathed but a new understanding of masculinity and being human.

2. Daughters - You Won't Get What You Want - *breaks a beer bottle and gouges out the attackers' eyes screaming, 'LIFE IS BLEAK, SATAN HAS WON, END IT ALL NOW PLEASE!'* Analysis: VERY EFFECTIVE, but does result in a lengthy criminal investigation.

3. U.S. Girls - In a Poem Unlimited... - Mad as hell, she seductively approaches the attackers, then when they let their guard down, proceeds to bash their teeth in. Analysis: EFFECTIVE. AS. HELL. Very cool, oddly attractive.

4. Parquet Courts - Wide Awake! - A good ol' fashioned bar brawl. Pool cues, punches and all. Analysis: EFFECTIVE. No one is seriously injured, but you do spend the night in jail and feel pretty embarrassed. But hey, you had a good night with your buds.

5. SOPHIE - Oil of Every Pear's Un-insides - Straight up summons some fucking demons inside herself and roundhouse kicks them in the face, then some oddly dressed people help her beat them up. And does everything with some really weird anime shit. Analysis: EFFECTIVE, sure, but what keeps it from being higher is that you're seriously terrified of what you witnessed and now you cannot go back to the bar for fear of what demons may be conjured up. This could also work with Daughters.

6. The Voidz - Virtue - Dude struts up in his shades and leather jacket (Seriously bro? You're indoors, jfc.) and puts up a fight, but you expected better. Analysis: SOMEWHAT EFFECTIVE. Put up a good fight, but you get hurt bad and a temporary ban from the bar. They had good drinks and an attractive bartender. So, sucks to suck.

7. Kids See Ghosts - Kids See Ghosts - They try to fight, but their heart isn't in it. There's a lot on their mind, battles with depression, and they're also pretty stoned. Analysis: NOT EFFECTIVE. They kind of give up at the start and start hitting on this cute girl. F.

8. Arctic Monkeys - Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino - They've had too much to drink and start rambling on some black mirror shit about how we're digging our own graves and how shortsightedness is leading to the destruction of this earth. Analysis: NOT EFFECTIVE. Insightful to say the least, but a minute into his rant, the attackers realize your political leanings and say, "Yo, these two are fucking LIBTARDS!" and you get hurt even more. Not necessarily because of your beliefs, but by association.

9. Let's Eat Grandma - I'm All Ears - Probably better people and stronger than you, but they are tripping BALLS right now. Took a tab too many and even thinking about asking them for help is a lost cause. Analysis: NOT EFFECTIVE AT ALL. You get beat up hard, but they seemed to be having a ball so that's nice.

10. Kanye West - Ye - He's had too much to drink and he's crying about scared he is and how uncertain his future his. He really needs a friend, but you're getting your ass kicked while someone comforts him. Analysis: NOT EFFECTIVE AT ALL, but man you really gotta check in with him after the hospital.

[Repo]

[RoundTheBend]