BEA Fanfictions

[Guest]

Put all your fanfictions here.

This is the most asinine poorly written fanfiction I could manage...I present to you Goodsir and SuedeSwede's Passionate Love (sort of)

It was a dark and stormy night. Goodsir sat in his bedroom listening to Genesis. “I must’ve dreamed a thousand dreams, been haunted by a million screams, but I can hear the marching feet…” “Oi!” exclaims Goodsir, “That's not the Genesis I like! You’re a terrible narrator.” Well excuse me! What a twat. Let’s go see the other character, then. I approach a bedroom window. “SuedeSwede!”, I call. No reply. I can see him clearly! He’s sitting at his computer, but he has removed his headphones and is looking right at me. “SuedeSwede!”, I call once more. He stares blankly. “Umm…AlphaSwede?” “Ah, yes, hello!” he replies. He stands from his chair and begins to walk towards the window, but suddenly a furry faced man bursts from his closet. Smack! The furry man roars, “I am AlphaSwede!” SuedeSwede is pinned and his face shows he is evidently in much pain. “Say it!” snarls AlphaSwede. SuedeSwede whimpers out, “An octopus eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous. Got me?” AlphaSwede removes himself from atop SuedeSwede. SuedeSwede begins to stand but is suddenly violently bashed in the head with a trout. “An octopus?!” roars AlphaSwede. His eyes were set on murder. I shattered the window with my cat claws and entered. “Wait!” I pleaded. AlphaSwede turns to me, questioningly. “A squid eating dough in a polyethylene bag is fast and bulbous. Got me?” He nods, “Well, what is it?” “Let him live, just for now, I was hired to create a fan fiction between Goodsir and SuedeSwede.” “Must he be alive for that?” “Well, I suppose not.” AlphaSwede grinned. “Would you like to aid me?” I shrug. “I don’t see why not.” “Good, take this cucumber…”

Swedenman helps me drag the body out. “Where are we taking it?” he asks. “That bush over there, that is where Goodsir lives.” “He lives in a bush?” “Shut up, this story is mostly nonsense and I can’t waste the whole fucking thing flying a body over to America…say, aren‘t you American too?” “Yeah, your story is riddled with plot holes.” “Well…let’s say we’re in America and SuedeSwede is visiting.”

“Goodsir, open up!” I say as I knock on his window. He looks at me like this and I break that motherfucker’s kneecaps. Swedenman taps on my shoulder, “Plot holes? We haven’t even opened the window yet, how’d you manage to break his kneecaps?” “Cat powers.” “Cat Power?” “What?” “What?”

Goodsir whimpers on the ground in pain. Swedenman throws SuedeSwede’s corpse on top of him. “Come on Goodsir, start having sex with him.” “What?!” cries Goodsir. “Have at it. This is BEA, we’re open to necrophiliacs of all types,” Swedenman says. Goodsir throws himself at me in desperation. I fall to the ground but Swedenman soon pulls Goodsir off of me. Goodsir was mauled to death by a beard that day.

Swedenman and I stood, surveying the two corpses piled on top of each other. I say, “Do you know any engineers? I’m thinking we could attach motors to their pelvises…Damn, Drakonium would know what to do, he is very good with pelvises.” Swedenman turns to face me. “What’d you say?” “I said do you know any engineers?” “After that!” he roars. It all comes back to me, Swedenman always eyed Drakonium with those little hearts in his eyes like in cartoons, you know? Anyways, despite my cat powers, I know I could not face the beard, so I had to resort to my last resort (“Kind of a redundant sentence, eh?” says Swedenman.) I suddenly snatch his beard from his face with my candy Claws (“was that an attempt at namedropping? ‘Cause it doesn’t really make sense.” says Swedenman) I attach the beard to my face, as Swedenman falls to the floor, now a vegetable. The people of Sweden keep their brains in their beards, and so now I am something more…I am SwedenMeow!

Camsh enters the room. “You never did make them have sex? What kind of fan fiction is this? God, what a waste.”
“Well, you can always fuck them if you’d like.” I say.
Camsh grins.

[Goodsir]

Anyone else aroused?

[undefined]

Game's over guys. Brandon won BEA. You can all go home now

[SuedeSwede]

[Cymro2011]

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I'm never leaving this place.

[HazeyTwilight]

Brandon, you beautiful amalgamation of whatever inspires you.
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[SuedeSwede]

DrakoMeow: The Story of an Unexpected Cat/Farfetch'd Hybrid

BrandonMeow was sitting in his room alone doing BrandonMeow stuff like, well I guess meowing. I peaked at him through the window and he turned around and just screamed "a lullaby was not supposed to make you cry", in which his eyes went a dark blood red and his head started spinning a full 360 many times. I ran as fast as I could, and before I knew it, I was in France (yeah I ran on water, so I'm Jesus, and what?)

I turn around after this prestigious run and notice demon BrandonMeow still on my tail. I keep running, and bump into a French-looking Arthur Lee/Antony Hegarty mash-up. I say, "sorry", and he stares at me and says "oh the snot has caked against my pants, it has turned into crystal". Very scared, I keep running (god I'm fit). I turn behind after experiencing some existential shit and it's all deep and brooding and all I see is the Arthur/Antony guy turn into a Farfetch'd and scream out loud "my god it worked".

The demon BrandonMeow, so fascinated by this magnificent creature, turns into a cat. A few years later, I stumble upon this in the same beautiful village in France:

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[Guest]

[camsh]

an_outlaw's Adventures in Manicland:

Chapter 1:

Once upon a time, an_outlaw was listening to Everything Must Go and was having a nice time. He was on A Design for Life and thought that life couldn't get much better. "Life can't get much better!" he said happily. He eventually got to Removables and fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a strange land where the letter R was spelt backwards. He was greeted by three strange men who went by the names of James, Nicky and Sean. They were the Manic Street Preachers. an_outlaw couldn't believe his eyes. His idols were stood right in front of them and his mind was exploding with thoughts. What should he do? Should he get all his albums and make them sign them? Should he try to get guitar lessons from James? Should he try and grab a lock of Nicky's lustrous red hair? It was all too much. "It's all too much." said an_outlaw. He was about to faint, but Nicky caught him. "We need your help." he said ominously. "Our friend has gone missing and we need you to help us look for him." Sean said. Outlaw couldn't help but notice how tall and elegant Nicky looked in comparison to Sean. But more important matters lay at hand. "Do you like Nicky's solo album, James?" Outlaw asked. But James didn't answer. Outlaw thought he might have done something wrong. After all, it must have been incredibly hard on James's emotions writing Rewind the Film. So he eventually took his gold and brushed it against his soul. His time to shine had come. To find their lost friend. To impress the Manics. And he thought perhaps after the whole ordeal, he could invite Nicky to see Les Miserables with him. But (as he would later learn) his love alone was not enough.

To be continued...
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MrFrogger wrote:

Camsch - Has by far the worst sig on BEA.

[SuedeSwede]