BIG BEA Manchester Meet Up - 17th October 2015

[CubaZed]

[BIGBEAManchester]

[BIGBEAManchester]

Remember a band called Take That? There was like 5 fellas who sung and danced and looked sexy and something. Right one day one of them named Robbie split from the bunch and he became like world famous and the rest weren't even known for winning quiz night. The Gary fella (not related to our own) even released his own albums but they fell off the charts. In the end it was that Robbie fella recording songs like Angels and Rock DJ and Kids and even Bodies (which I first heard at my first job at Peacocks) Well one year or two after Bodies (and me unpacking clothes at One Stop Perry Barr for Christmas 2010) the two guys finally got back together. They had this song which sort of began "There is 3 stories, mine, yours and The Truth". Good for them. Well this story has 4... Kiki Outlaws, Tommy boys, the Cumbrian vanguard's and 'The Truth'. In this post you are getting Kiki Outlaws so listen up. So yeah take my story with a grain of salt and listen to what Tom and Luke reply to this

Right your Kiki got into Manchester at 11:30 am. So frightened of what was to come and did the reasonable thing which many over the years have done to calm their nerves... have Marks and Spencers breakfast. Fair enough, perhaps Oliver Cromwell didn't have one before fighting the Irish or Winston Churchill didn't have one before jumping the Nazi's at the back of Greggs after 3 pints and a scallop but to be fair Churchill could bang Hitler out one on one.

From 12:00am to 1:00am your lovely writers spirits were sunk. No one was coming. It was over. I drunk a Portabello Road double and tonic (£4.15 and a plastic glass, what a rip off!) whle in a Weatherspoons full of Manchester City fans. They were playing Bournemouth in a few hours. I remember back in 98/99 when the lot were in the same league as Bournemouth... League 1. It was called Division 2 back then and had Wigan and Fulham (before they ever touched the top flight). I mean 98 saw Manchester City, Stoke and Reading all go down together and all have since had great runs if at least for one season in Premier League. Well the Manchester City team (to all users who are not living under a rock or outside the Uk) are very big now. They have a stadium the size of the pyramids and probably less dead guys inside it. Well fame and fortune has blessed them and it all made for a very loud pub that day.

I went off to my Premier Inn.. Portland Road I think. 0.45 of a mile to get there from Weatherspoons Picadilly (this becomes more important later in story.) Well I find where my Premier Inn and I am almost in Chinatown when I get a call. I admit. My heart turned cold at this moment. Yet I answered the call and no one spoke. I was like "I can't hear you please call back" and that was that. 2 minutes later I got a new call. It was Tom. I assumed he was the one who called 2 minutes before. He was outside Weatherspoons with Luke and I promised him I would be there in 5 minutes. I ran. All the while the 'Song of Destiny' was playing in my ears louder than the song of "I am going to so screw myself and my family over for these riches" was playing in Kino's ears. Although I didn't find a pearl or a dead body (that would of been proper mental innit?) but instead I found Tom and Luke. These two characters will be the two biggest characters for the rest of my tale.

First thing I said was "Hello are you Luke and Tom?" and I swear on my god damn life they looked at me for a whole 3 seconds in either disbelief or emergency mode brain switch off. 3 seconds does not seem a lot but count it right now... count to 3.... I will wait....keep counting.......... you see what I am saying. Imagine that in silence. I mean I did take them from surprise as they were facing away from me when I approached but it was like the day of reckoning for them, they had seen an Outlaw in person. It was Tom who made the next move and offered me a flower (he moves fast). He was calm and Luke was all still like what the helll is happening?

Reality struck harder and more pronounced than a 180 on Bullseye and be being promised a toaster but not getting one. Both were talking soon enough. Tom was scouting for university's and Tom was there for visit or something or another. We waited for Joyofdivision for 1 and half hours yet after a call he said he was at Liverpool Lime Street and coming soon he never called after two and never called us again. He either went home, got killed on the train, got lost or ditched us for a better crew (perhaps a one with Orville or Danger Mouse). Either way he was not there.

After an unsuccessful attempt at getting served at Weatherspoons (Luke got ID) we went back to the train station. To get 100% honest at this point I was wondering if this day was over. I mean we had waited outside Weatherspoons for one hour waiting for Paul (joy) to arrive after he said he would be there soon and had a map on his phone. I mean if he had a map if was totally 'Bing maps' as those are useless. Either way we were going in Tescos, Spars and Sainsburys trying to get served alcohol. In the station Tom got his bottle of Malibu and all was well. He put it in a flask on a bench over this well trendy bridge. I felt like a right rebel sitting on that bench with youngsters and flasks and alcohol.

Afterwards we went for a pint. Eventually somewhere without a crowd of people was found to be appropriate. It was this well trendy bar, you know the sort where pints cost over £4.00 like the Cosy Club and Lost and Found in Birmingham City Centre. Either way Luke got served after showing the person behind the counter, his provisional driving licence, his GCSE results, his A-Levels, His Birth Certificate, His mothers and fathers Birth Certificates, his B&Q card, the list of the last 10 people he has given Christmas cards to, his bank details, his Freemasons membership card, the sort code for his debit card, the first 10 purchases he made with his credit card or otherwise a guess of what he would buy with a credit card, a utility bill, a futility bill, a blood sacrifice and a proof of address he brought me a pint and himself a Old Kiwi Cider bottle thing. The first I heard about Lukes drink was 2012 in Swinside in the Lake District. It is a pub which you can get to by road if you walk from Portinscale or Keswick. You can see Catbells summit with a perfect view from specific window in there. The last time I was in their Columbia and Brazil played in the World Cup Anyway, Luke had one of those and Tom had a coke which he sneaked Malibu into.

So Tom and Luke are talking and I speak whenever I can. After two drinks we decide to go into the record shop opposite. It was called the Vinyl Exchance. I mean Jim and Abby probably know that one. After this store and another record store we went of for Chinese Buffet before we hatch an amazing plan to go to a Morrisons (Like Wallmart with a big 'M' logo all Yellow as a Lego Mans backside) to buy Coors light and take it back to the Hotel.

Now.... before I go any further and I will say I would love to have had Jim and Paul on this night out. However I could not imagine it would have took this turn with either of them around. I got 6 Coors light and we Tom's Malibu and life was great. We had fun (hotel, music on tv, lying on TV and bed) and I said you either piss off back to Sheffield (the words I used were in politer terms) after one more pint or we buy more Alcohol and come here. We took the latter option. I got more Coors light, 3 Malibu shots and 3 Jager shots while Tom (after being told he can't go inside a Weatherspoons) brought even more Coors light and... oh god you will not believe this... he got... the bomb... a whole 750ml of Malibu Coconut Rum!!!!

Well we were sorted. We were put in alphabetical order for the next the customer to come browse. We had the the 50 Rnb videos which changed History on and it was mental. Ignition came on at number 29 or around about and we sung along. Its the freakin weekend baby we gone have some fun. Well we had no real objective but for fun for this day. Although... around about the Chinese Buffet I learned about something called 'Real Neighbour Hours'. I asked about this and found the song does not contain the word 'Neighbour' but something else starting with N and ending in R.

Going to the hotel was fantastic. What could have been a day which would have been aborted in the afternoon carried on into the night. Something amazing happened in that not only phones can get on the internet now but they can also contact BEA users around the world. We called the world of BEA. First up was Cubazed. His name it 'Stone'. Unless that is his second name I have to wonder who the hell calls their child 'Stone'? I mean Stone Cold Steve Austin is fantastic and I really don't mean to offend his parents and that yet you can not imagine saying 'Hey Stone, print this off for me' or 'Hey Stone fetch a coffee'..... Ok perhaps it is an American thing. He is a nice guy although it seemed like he was laughing too much in our conversation. More than likely it was me being paranoid.

Second was Applerill. This is where the conversation was awkward. First of all the conversation was alright. Small talk and a warm room. Soon enough Applerill starts talking about this latest Avril Lavigne album. It came out 2012 or 2013 and he was saying how I understood it or liked or something, inspired him or he knew what I was saying or something. I am at panic station at this point because I don't like or know the album at all other than know it is an album and I had listened to it once. I began wondering if he had confused me for someone else. I tried to be polite and talk about Avril (I am not going to snob her) but it all ended up me saying "I like the first album, and the one from the next year and the one with 'Girlfriend'. Which is the truth as I can not remember a single word or note from the albums after 'Girlfriend's album. I am not a big fan of that Avril album Charlie (although I will admit I like Avril songs). I am sorry.

Third and fourth up were Hazeytwiligt and Benpaco. My memory fails here so everything which is posted in response to this post is true. I mean Hazeytwilight can say I promised him £50 and it might be true. I think Benpaco even seemed scared of me at one point and the promise of speaking to Gabe never came to fruition.

Talking to them on Skype was fun and we even sang to them at one point. Boys are back in town. I was worried that Tom might break something at this point because he got so excited yet couldn't sing the words like Luke. I think it was the fear that I would throw him out the window if he damaged something expensive. So yeah it was pretty much an_outlaw BEA 2012... break something which would give me a huge fine from Premier Inn and I would perma ban you from life. They were well behaved though.

Once this was over the night become a blur. More blur than Parklife in a pub which still allows people to smoke. I told Tom about Clements, an Irish pub outside of Birmingham in the direction of Aston, and they have smokers inside. You would think it was illegal, I had a Guinness there with some Prawn Cocktail crisps as England got beat by Australia in the Rugby world cup. There is also another pub near by called The Bull. Has a lovely dish called Dublin Cuddle which looks rubbish at first (imagine hot water, bits of bacon, bits of potato and cut sausages floating around) yet when cold and smacked in the face from Chimay from Weatherspoons and all those bloody guests ales they have got going it is a lovely dish. It's never load in there. Never more than a few people.

Back to the night on Saturday. The top 3 rnb tracks which changed video history were awful. Number 3 was so rubbish I forgot it, number 2 was that Michael Jackson song he recorded with his sister and number 1 was the ring on the finger song. We were expecting 'Hey Ya' by Outkast. Sure us singing along to it would have had us get a knock at the door and complaints... the end of the countdown was rubbish is all I can say. I am not sure what we had on TV after that.

All the while we had almost finished off 14 bottles or Coors Light, a 750 ml and 500 ml bottle of Malibu (coconut Rum not much higher than 20% alcohol), 3 50ml shots of Malibu and 3 50 ml shots of Jagermeister. Some of you will know the above is not the wildest night imaginable but beware... anyone who thinks the above was too much and who thinks who in their right mind could drink that much, I have just provided a pretty much 100% honest account of what was there. I think we were all light weights as we were all pretty much drunk from that.

Around this time Tom and Luke began singing to their phone. It was this song which went “If your friend is a lover then your friend is a lover. If your friend is your lover then your love is undercover” or something like that. Today at work I wondered what it could mean and I worked it was like if you have a friend and love them but didn't say and they loved you then you would be dishonest and would live in denial or something? So the song was deep I suppose, deeper than the pile of turd RFNaples put on the politics forum.

I can not say what happened beyond this point. Luke and Tom should respond to this post with what they think happened, might of happened or would like to pretend happened past midnight. I mean Luke had a coffee and Tom was very kind to make Malibu and coke for anyone at anytime. I put a Simpsons DVD on which I had packed in the event the night came to nothing but I saw (don't deny it mate, although I am not angry about it at all haha) Tom turned it off. Perhaps it was an intimate night and he didn't want Dvds on? Luke got some strength back from the coffee, Tom sang in the toilet and I planned out the next meet up. I said how I would tell Jim to do one in Manchester again. I mean not sod off to Manchester but do the Manchester meet again. London would be a good place for users outside of UK although it would be like 10% chance for any from America to turn up and a little higher odds for Europe. Manchester is a musical city and would appeal to BEA plus it isn't over bloated like London.

The night really ended soon after. I am not sure if we stayed awake for Real Neighbour Hours or not but I learned a few things. I was told in the morning how I wanted to kill Meccalecca, planned to do so and was ready to tell him to get back on a plane or something (Luke or Tom will have to explain that one) and I apparently told Tom to empty my coat pockets (banks cards, coins, pens and notebooks and all) onto a counter. Tom said he did it on my instruction so he would know the context for that one.

I don't even have to say it was good because it was and I wrote the above. They were fantastic and the night was fantastic. Tom and Luke can give their own interpretation of the above post and if they remember anything else.

Bonus Round – The Bits Tom and Luke missed

Me trying to pronounce Tanqueray to the man behind the counter at the Picadilly Weatherspoons an hour before we first met. Gave up and had Portabello Road instead.
Hearing this guy say “It's the not the 90s anymore, you have to earn and living” and becoming more and more confused at the context of why such a thing would be said. I became so absorbed in thoughts I missed what the hell the other two were talking about until we got to the shop for the first time.
On Sunday going to the shopping centre which seems bigger than the Bullring in Birmingham
Again on Sunday, finding the real club and bar strip of Manchester. This one had Sirloin steaks for £50. The one we walked many times had kebabs and some traditional pubs. On Sunday I had a pint from the Old Monkey one with their unique whiskeys. They played Babooshka while in there.
I counted 8 different Subways across Saturday and Sunday I swear to God.
Empire Collectables... I am showing you this amazing place for antiques, CDs, books and vinyls.

[CubaZed]

[SuedeSwede]

[alelsupreme]

I suppose I should add my account of what is now Manchtober.

I got into Manchester at 9, with virtually no sleep. I drunk at Victoria station a single bottle of fruit beer (It cost £5.60!!!!!!!) and met a college mate at 11. We mostly walked around Arndale shopping centre, and in the meantime someone gave us their mixtape which I'm totally gonna put up on here and rake in all those sweet mod/obscurity points.

After this Kiki summarised everything we did so I'll add some choice moments he missed

- That ID thing was legit, they thought I faked it so I handed them my GCSE results (which I just so happened to have with me) and it took like 3 people to verify that this ID which was very clearly real and cost me £80 was, indeed, legit.

- In regards to the Allo Darlin' we spent like a min trying to figure out if it was AD or not cos pretty much all we could hear were the drums. Was pretty surreal.

- Me shouting out very loudly in the middle of a Chinese buffet that my debit card "IS SAVING US NAA', INNIT?"

- Me and Tom constantly doing the weird arse noises Pharaoh Sanders makes during Karma

- Apparently after i got a Subway I was shouting at Tom about past failed romances and shouted "NOOOOO" proper loud. I don't remember that bit whatsoever.

- Ignition was indeed 29, and Crazy In Love was a no show but fucking Love The Way You Lie was #3.

- As the night wound down I was desperately trying to find more people on Skype to call but alas

- When on Skype I kept acting like DJ Khaled for some reason.

- Sometimes Coffee really can save yer life. Especially when you've had no sleep for about 36 hours.

- We were up talking in that hotel for like 7 hours

- We made RNH, but unfortunately did not last its whole duration - Kiki and Tom were gone by around 3:30 or 4 and at that point I figured it was time to sleep as well.

- We nearly missed our train trying to get the BEA selfie Tom posted.

All in all 10/10 day.