A Very Trainor Christmas (studio album) by Meghan Trainor

From spigelwii 03/29/2024 12:50

Revisiting this one in 2024 to say that, even though this is still the worst record I've ever heard, it was definitely worthy of reappraisal. My scoring system has changed since 2020, you see, and I wanted the record set straight about how I REALLY feel about Trainor's Christmas "effort."

Last time I gave the album a not-very-well-thought-out 5/100, which was inappropriate and cruel. This album is ACTUALLY a 15/100, which as you can work out for yourself, is a full 10 POINTS better!

Since nobody will ever see this review, allow me to take this opportunity to deviate from the topic at hand and apologize to some other artists I was too mean to in 2020, a very personally difficult year for me (and everyone else, doy):

Perfume Genius, I'm sorry, Set My Heart on Fire Immediately does NOT deserve to be set on fire. I don't really enjoy the album, but it's not bad.

Taylor Swift, I'm really sorry what I said about Evermore. It's not bad, and you don't *necessarily* have to chop out the best songs from it to combine with the best of Folklore to make one excellent record...I would just recommend it so that I don't have to write another review about how you are a good songwriter but you just don't throw out enough of your more incomplete ideas.

Elvis, I'm sorry what I said about Hey Clockface. It's not my favorite album of yours, but it's an EC record through and through, and that's admirable, not pityable!

AC/DC, I'm not apologizing to you, but rather the your fans that I criticized for not wanting Power Up to sound different than any of your other albums. Nostalgia is valuable too, and one of my favorite albums of 2024 is a Kula Shaker record for crying out loud.

Ariana Grande, your singles are pretty good. Who cares if the album isn't any good? And, you know what? I kind of like porn stars, too.

I think that covers it, but let me apologize to one more person...Holy hell, Meghan, you seem to be incredibly talented, I'm so sorry you were somehow duped into thinking this album was a good idea. I have so many questions for the people responsible: How did they manage to get Earth, Wind, & Fire into the studio to rescue "Holidays?" Why is Seth MacFarlane on this record? Why would they let you record a straightforward version of It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas and follow it up with horribly butchered R&B arrangements of Winter Wonderland and Sleigh Ride? I'm sorry so many writers and producers and industry people failed you en route to getting this irredeemable album to shelves. I'm so, so sorry. Merry Christmas, everyone.

From spigelwii 12/14/2020 16:08

Trainor's latest "effort" is merely a Christmas themed cash-grab. This is one of the purest offenses to music ever recorded and features bad covers of bad Christmas songs, in addition to ironically sinister songs like "I Believe In Santa" and hilariously tone-deaf we-are-in-the-midst-of-a-FUCKING-pandemic songs like "Christmas Party". It's pop-schlock at its absolute worst, dressed up with all the trimmings and trappings of America's grossest, most commercial tradition: The Christmas season.

This release isn't just traditionally awful, but ascends to legendarily atrocious over the course of its 54 minute run time. I am giving it the lowest rating possible on this site (5/100), despite the fact that I never deviate from my classic 5-point scale. It's that bad.

"My Only Wish" is that I hope that someone will read this review before deciding to pick this album up from Target or whatever to have something to play that the kids will love this Christmas, and then run far, far away in the other direction. But I'm not holding my breath.